Thursday, September 18, 2014

Day 554 - Realisation about the "Newcomers in my office"

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In relation to my previous post Day 553 - Newcomers in my office pt 1, I had some realisations that I am going to share. As I wrote previously, it felt like a sudden onslaught when 3 people joined our office as we were not informed by the administration and fears of being disturbed and losing our "peace" started to arise. But in parallel to this situation, I realised that I am also walking another point which added to the "system equation". In the course of becoming stable within myself, in situations like this one I would have habitually reacted to the newcomers by putting my best foot forward. This step translates to behaviour that overcompensates for my insecurities about the new people and who I am in relation to them.  However, I am no longer "acting" nice to establish relationships. Therefore, at times, I am unsure how to interact at all.

How I noticed that this was going on, was at a moment where I had thoughts come up that I would have used in the past to kick myself into 'nice' behaviour.  Because for a moment I could see that I was thinking about not being "nice enough" to the new people since I have been keeping to myself and interacting only when necessary. In the past, this thought would have moved me to nice behaviour in an attempt to make up for how I judged myself. Here, when the thought came up, I did not follow the rabbit hole but instead just breathed and stayed here. More importantly in that moment, I did nothing, I focussed on my work. I went home that day and wrote self forgiveness on the point which made me realise what just happened.

Another point that I saw in relation to this situation was the hindsight of something I lived through as the newcomer to the research unit. In other words, when I was on the receiving end, having come to the research unit through series of "unfortunate" circumstances, I wasn't welcomed with open arms by the professors in charge.  In a recent meeting I saw that the situation was dissolving somewhat into something new because one of the professors was becoming more approachable. So here I realised that it takes time to integrate new people when they appear through or with unintended consequences and that when we are new somewhere, most of us expect to be welcomed. Slowing down and developing patience is the solution to integrating as a newcomer but also to receive a new person into one's habitual environment.





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