Friday, September 5, 2014

Day 552 "Would you be able to help…..?" Commitment to change

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In this post I am stating the commitments in relation to the self-forgiveness statements written on days 549, 550 and 551.

I commit myself to continue to release the emotional charge of the memory involving my parents and a bunch of children from the streets of the neighbourhood where I grew up in, and where I was used as a scapegoat for a broken window when in effect I was an innocent bystander - I am committed to release all emotional dimensions from this memory.

When and as I am being asked for help by someone, I stop and breathe, I slow myself down and take my time to look at the point in front of me to see the consequences of saying "yes" as well as the consequences of saying "no" and when I have seen both sides, only then I make a decision to do what works with my situation.

When and as I am being asked for help by someone and I do not manage to slow myself down and look at the point in front of me, I defer the answer to later and communicate this to the person, and I walk away and find a quiet moment where I can look at the point and make a decision that works for my situation.

When and as I arrive at the answer "no" which I then have to tell the person that is asking me for help, I stop,  I breathe out any emotion in relation to feeling bad or guilty about having said "no" to the person.

I commit myself to stop any and all participation in thoughts and imaginations regarding the answers "no" or "yes" and focus on staying grounded and connected to physical reality.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand in depth that saying "yes" or "no" to another has no  relationship with my self-value.

When and as I am in the position where I have to answer someone who is asking me for something with "yes" or "no" I stop and breathe, I slow myself to down to see if there are any reactions that come or if there is any thoughts triggered by me speaking these words and if so, I continue to work on this point by writing myself out in self-forgiveness until there is no more movement in relation to speaking these two words.

When and as I am asking myself a question, I slow myself down and look at the point in front of me and look at all the consequences in relation to the question, and then I make a decision what is best for me and all others who are affected by my decision.


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Monday, September 1, 2014

Day 551 "Would you be able to help…..?" pt 3

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In this post I continue with the point of feeling uncomfortable about declining to help another. In the previous post I left of with redefining the word "no"and in this post I continue by redefining the word "yes". 

"yes"

Dictionary definition:

- used to express affirmation or assent or to mark the addition of something emphasizing and amplifying a previous statement

- an affirmative reply


sound the word:


yhhh - sounds like an onomatopoeia that is irksome


es - sounds bit like ice


Experience of the word:


In the previous post I saw that speaking the word "yes" in relation to myself produces a reaction within me, a resistance to give something to myself. Again, I have automated myself to say "yes" to other people without considering the consequences of saying "yes" and how they affect my life. This is part of the "pleasing others program" I have dealt with in previous posts. 


Redefinition of the word:

The word "yes" signals a decision to a question where the path that is opened up by the question is continued. 

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to experience myself saying "yes" to my external world whereby I feel comfortable and  delighted, and that I have further programmed myself to feel uncomfortable saying "yes" to things concerning myself and therefore rarely allow myself to say "yes" to myself. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by polarising myself with the external and internal world of my life, and have used the words yes/no to create this separation within myself. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given the words "yes" and "no" emotional charges so that I can use the words to run the program of wanting to be liked/appreciated by others, and also run the program of self-judgement and self-punishment, in separation of myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given "yes" a positive charge when the question concerns others and not myself, and in relation to myself I have charged "yes" negatively when the questions centres on me deciding about something for myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to want to automatically respond to questions asked by others in an affirmative manner instead of standing back and evaluating the scope of the question in that I walk the time line to understand the consequences of what my answer "yes" or "no" would entail.  


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a belief that if I answer someone's question asked in relation to me with a "yes" that I am open-minded, caring, and well-meaning and with this belief have separated myself from the question and from the words open-minded, well-meaning and caring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have said "yes" to a situation and only later realised the consequences that I have created for myself and then regretted my answer.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have said "no" to a situation and only later realised the consequences that I have created for myself and then regretted the answer. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used my superior/inferior programs to express these programs within the words yes/no.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience giving to myself with resistance which manifests when I speak the word "yes" in relation to what I give to myself. 


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