Thursday, August 28, 2014

Day 550 "Would you be able to help…..?" pt 2

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In this post I follow up on my previous post where I talked about feeling uncomfortable when I decline helping another. 

The main realisation I had was that saying "No"as a best-for-all response triggered me feeling less than someone else and in turn triggered thoughts related to not being good enough


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word "no" as a trigger for experiencing myself as less than someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word "no" to limit myself because I allow myself to go into self-judgement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word "no" comfortably when I am seeing myself as superior to the situation and to try to avoid using the word "no" when I am seeing myself as inferior to the situation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have polarised myself into "yes" and "no" and exist within with "yes" and "no" in separation of myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined "yes" as good, accepting, friendly and kind and have defined "no" as bad, limiting, mean and rejecting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a resistance towards letting go of the definitions and beliefs surrounding the words "yes" and "no".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loss when letting go of the definitions and beliefs of the words "yes" and "no".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a physical reaction to the words yes/no where I feel a lightness in my chest area when speaking the word "yes" and I feel a contracting sensation in the area of my intestines. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine pictures of lightness when I speak the word "yes" - such as sunshine, blossoming flowers, pastel colours and soft shapes and pictures of darkness when I speak the word "no" - such as night time, thunder, sirens, rain, flooding and death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to default with the word "yes" to another's question in reaction to my father who always answered my questions with "no".

Redefinition of the words "yes" and "no".


"no"

dictionary definition: 

a negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request

sounding the word:

nnnnh - as in maybe, undecided 
ohhhh - as in astonishment

Experience of the word:
Generally I don't feel comfortable speaking the word "no" in relation to someone's question, but there are a few situations when speaking "no" in response to a question comes forth very clearly. With the word "no" I am usually thinking more of the consequences that could follow from saying "no" to someone. Though, I don't have reactions when saying "no" to myself. A realisation here is that 
saying "no" to myself is much easier than saying "yes" to myself. When saying "yes" to myself, I am again looking more towards the consequences, which I don't experience when saying "no" to myself.

Redefinition of the word "no":

The word "no" signals a decision to a question where the path that is opened up by the question is not continued. 
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