Recently I had a backchat conversation with someone. It's been a while since I have indulged in these types of conversations and I was surprised that I allowed myself to do so. The situation was such that my conversation partner opened the door by making a few statements that I could relate to from my own experience and this prompted me to give myself permission to encourage the conversation on the same trajectory. After the conversation was done and dusted, I experienced regret and more backchat about having 'let myself go'. A few days later, I noticed that it was becoming easier for me to now allow myself to comment on backchats of other people at work where I would have generally remained in silence. The initial allowance I gave to the backchat conversation was now spreading into other areas of my life and so I can see how my mind is in the process of opening the door further. So, till here and no further. I stop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for voicing my backchat in the conversation with another because I still believe that my backchat is justified.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake in my relations when I don’t have another source of information about another's experiences with the same relations, which gives me a new angle from which I can make decisions.
I commit myself to stop myself engaging in backchats by placing more focus and effort on my private writing on the topic(s) where I tend to accumulate backchat.
I commit myself to revise my starting point and do not allow myself to engage in conversations where I voice my backchat.
I commit myself to risk everything to stop myself from the temptation to engage in backchat.
I commit myself to stop listening to all and any excuses why it is alright for me to let myself engage in backchat.
I commit myself to learn the difference between backchat and 'relating a story' without spite, blame, and defensiveness.
I commit myself to make no exceptions for no-one and nothing when it comes to allowing myself to voice my backchat.
I commit myself to write myself out so that I learn to release backchat completely through writing and not keep 'some' inside of me which I unleash at the next best occasion.
I commit myself to learn to gently tell others who want to engage in backchat that I do not want to go there.