In this post of my blog I continue to write on the point of commuting to and from work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not studying the main traffic arteries in the city so that I understand my options in how I get over the bridge (to get out of the city) because I have excused myself from it with backchat that I don't have time at the moment, therefore I must rely on the GPS for this information, when in reality I was in the exact same situation in other countries when I was not this busy and was without GPS, I still did not take the time to study my environment and instead just used my "wing-it" technique.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made this behaviour in physical reality, where I like to "wing" my trajectories in the city in order to get to know the city, part of my "resourceful" personality.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a belief that I can be proud of my ability to be resourceful, and that I use this belief to justify putting myself in a situation where I rely on adrenalin - the situation where I must drive in heavy traffic and find my way to the bridge at the same time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been addicted to adrenalin and have created situations in my life where I generate adrenalin, and that these situations have become so normal that I don't see them as something out of the ordinary because I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that adrenalin is part of a busy life style.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have compensated for my sedentary life style, where I sit mostly in front of my computer screen with little situations of "reward", where I get to play the adrenalin game, because I feel trapped in this life style of always having to be in front of a screen, even though I mostly enjoy my work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive fast when there was an unforeseen situation, e.g. traffic jam or for other reasons because when I drive fast beyond a typical threshold speed, I also rely on adrenalin to get me to my destination.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don't get to work as fast as possible I am wasting my time, instead of investigating how I can apply myself better to make sure that I always utilise my commuting time in the best possible manner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider my commuting time as boring and although I do utilise that time, I am not consistent in it because I have accepted the belief of it being boring and useless and that I must travel fast to make sure I don't spend any time longer in it than absolutely necessary.