Saturday, February 15, 2014

Day 510 - Memories of my mother pt21

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This is a continuation from the previous post.

I commit myself to reverse my relationship to trust in that I trust myself with the relationship I have with self, and eliminate the need to trust the external world. 

I commit myself to identify all labels that I still hang on to and let go of these labels by understanding in self-honesty why I hang onto them. 

I commit myself to let go of the thought-pictures of my parents which I have used to program myself to belief that I am powerless.

I commit myself to identify and let go of programs that I have internalised that are based on blackmail - which I have stored in my memory from my relationship with my mother.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts in relation to my resentment and justifications towards my mother so that I can stand one and equal to her as a human being and not from the perspective of my “abusive mother”.

I commit myself to stop living my life from the perspective of my childhood where I relate to the world as victim of circumstances, instead of relating to the world as responsible being as participant in all that happens on earth and therefore stand equal to the problems in the world and change myself to that I direct myself within the principle of what is best for all. 

I commit myself to end any emotional attachment of the memory of a thought “waiting-to-get-away-from-my-parents” and realise that this waiting-game is something I have used to avoid making decisions in my life.

I commit myself to take myself seriously, by applying a disciplined and principled approach to my life situations and stop myself from reacting from the starting point of my thoughts. 

I commit myself to re-listen to the interviews on resentment and learn to sound self-forgiveness in the way that shatters resentment so that I can walk the correction in relation to my mother and the points of resentment that are born from that relationship. 



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Friday, February 14, 2014

Day 509 - Memories of my mother pt20

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So now I follow up with the commitment statements from these posts


Day 505 - Memories of my mother pt16
Day 506 - Memories of my mother pt17
Day 507 - Memories of my mother pt18
Day 508 - Memories of my mother pt19



When and as I have a phrase my mother used to speak to me surface in my mind and react to it, I stop and breathe, I check within myself what emotion I experienced within that moment, and I continue to write on the topic in self-honesty. I commit myself to empty all those phrases that come up in my mind, of their emotional content through self-honesty. 

I commit myself to undo the denial and suppression that I have allowed and accepted to exist within myself through the relationship with my mother by writing myself out in self-honesty and walking the correction.

I commit myself to be patient and gentle with myself and trust myself that I am able to walk through the points of my relationship with my mother. 

I commit myself to stop holding back and empty myself of these memories of my mother and my childhood and stop accepting the reaction of being bored with the topic.  

I commit myself to stop my imagination about being powerful when I no longer have a reaction in the company of my mother. 

I commit to use these points, the memories of my mother, to move myself and continue to build the relationship with myself and stop reacting to the external world. 


I commit myself to redefine the word power.

My redefinition of Power:
The ability to move oneself with goal-oriented behaviour with awareness of the physical context, to connect, support, and to strengthen the individuals’ life in relation to the betterment of the whole of humanity, whereby this ability is equally available to each human throughout all levels of human existence.


I commit myself to empty all energetic charges from the memory of my mother and father telling me that I was just a child and that what I want/say does not count.

I commit myself to eradicate all fear of conflict within me by walking through all the memories that caused me to fear conflict. 

I commit myself to eradicate all helplessness because I have internalised the beliefs of my parents, and have configured other beliefs based on those beliefs, where helplessness was transferred from one belief to the next. 

I commit myself to eradicate all fear of responsibility because I have programmed myself to believe that I am helpless and that I am a victim based on the memories of my relationship with my mother and father during my childhood.
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Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Day 508 - Memories of my mother pt19

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It seems like I have opened up a vault because every time I sit down to write more on the memories of my mother, more opens up that is related to my current situation and the experience of myself within it. This makes me realise how important it is to walk backwards in one's life and release those early memories because all we are today builds on them. 

I therefore continue from my last post - starting again with a memory of my mother and myself in interaction with each other and leading to my current 'ways' of behaviour. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself from the memory of my mother - telling me to shut up because I am a child and I have nothing to say and me trying to justify myself by telling myself that my mother does not want to listen to me - so that I now recreate situations with people in authority positions where I perceive myself as not being listened to because I don’t realise that it is the way of how I taught myself to communicate that yields this result because I see, realise and understand that I am reluctant to go into deeper explanations of what I am wanting to communicate but instead insist on my self-righteousness backchat that things are obvious to everyone. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used the memory of my mother of being impatient with me and telling me that I was too slow in everything - to set myself up for impatience in communication with others where when “they don’t get it” I am not interested in taking the time to explain in detail what it is that I am seeing/observing but get upset when they don’t listen to me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is not worth my time to communicate to others in detail what I am seeing/observing because I believe that what I am pointing out is obvious anyway. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I don’t communicate in detail and give explanation for the situations that affect me as they are handed over to me by others, I trap myself through my own self-righteous behaviour and emotional reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my backchat where I tell myself that i don’t have time for lengthy explanation to people who don’t want to understand the situation and by believing this backchat I create consequences in the near future where I disadvantage myself and potentially destablise my livelihood. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I spend time in finding ways to explain in detail the obvious failure points about a situation (e.g. related to work), I will not have enough time to work on the projects that matter to me and my future - I believe- wherein I don’t realise that this is a justification because it does not conclude that having the time to work on my projects precludes me from harvesting the consequences of not having spent the time to explain in detail the failure points of a situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decentralise myself within my relationship with myself because I believe that certain projects require me to have an emotional attachment - a sense of urgency and ownership - and where I want to spend my time on them to make sure that they get done, while I am totally ambivalent towards other projects that have the potential to create severe consequences for myself.  
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Sunday, February 9, 2014

Day 507 - Memories of my mother pt18

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…and I continue on this specific memory from my last post:



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought of my mother’s face, which suddenly juts forward towards me where I see her face bigger than real life, of what she looked like in her younger days when I was a child, where she is over emphasised with her face, with angry eyes, where she says that I must shut up or else I will suffer severe consequences. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where my mother lifts her index finger very close to my face and tells me that I will regret my behaviour if I don’t shut up immediately. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought of my mother where she gestures and shakes her head and tells me to disappear out of her sight immediately. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about my mother where I tell myself how much I resent her and how much I dislike her and that I am content that I am not much connected to her. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about my mother based on the comment that I am just a child and that I have nothing to say, about her ways of interacting with me, so that I create a superior stance towards her where I dismiss her in my backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I diss my mother in my backchat I am justified because I see myself as the victim, as the child, and thus confirm to myself that as a child I don’t have a choice about the situation and cannot stand up from it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life from the perspective of the memory of me as a child because I have relegated my relationship with the world to when I was a child and was not able to stand up within myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagined myself as a child that some day I would be old enough to get away from my mother, and so I have programmed myself to wait for years ( I remember thinking "7 years before I can get away").

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my mother in anger because I felt trapped when my mother referred to me as “just a child” “who has nothing to say” - because I wanted her to take me seriously yet I am not taking myself seriously to change how I direct myself in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react as a victim today and thus not take myself serious with self-responsibility to walk out of the memories of my mother and thus show myself how much I have used the words of my mother to program myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with resentment towards my mother’s words that I don't have anything to say as a child and have held myself hostage with these words because I have replayed the memory time and again in my mind and therefore thickened and hardened the memory and the resulting program that I live as me. 
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