Saturday, February 8, 2014

Day 506 - Memories of my mother pt17

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I was just about to start writing out the commitment statements on my last point of "memories of my mother in relation to power" when I realised that one memory was still quite charged and so I am dedicating this post and the following one to releasing further energetic charges on a memory….


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself permission to release all energetic charges on the memory of my parents telling my that I was just a child and that my outlook/perspective/opinion did not count because it was coming from a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I will be in a situation again, professionally or in my private relationships, where I am discounted because of some kind of label.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the helplessness I was experiencing when my parents would tell me that I don’t count because I am a child. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the anger I was experiencing when my parents would tell me that I don't count because I am a child. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the inner conflict that ensues when I was told as a child that my view is not included because I was a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear labels because I believe that labels are dangerous to me since they can be used against me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear responsibility because I was told that I cannot be responsible because I am a child - which is lodged in the memory of my parents that I don’t count because I am just a child. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used the memory of my parents telling me that I am just a child to program myself to endure situations rather than seeking to change them because I believe I cannot change them because of the labels I have attached to myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used the memory of my parents telling that my view does not count because I am just a child, to trust others and not myself because I have programmed myself on the basis of this memory that I do not have the power (label) to be trusted. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have equated power of self with a label and so have projected my own power onto labels and have therefore tried to attain labels in society to make myself believe that I have power. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used to imagine being powerful when I have sufficient labels under my belt. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that power can be accumulated instead of realising that power of self is intrinsic to self and can only be suppressed, sabotaged and misguided through education, parents as role models and beliefs. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought when I was a child where I see the face of my mother or my father from above coming close to my face and telling me with big teeth that I must shut up because I am just a child and “you have nothing to say here”. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used this thought by etching it into my memory so that I keep myself from standing up in the world and in my life, not realising that my personal power is always accessible to me because it is who I am.
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Friday, February 7, 2014

Day 504 - The trinity of inferiority/rejection/recognition 2

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Commitment statements from the previous post

commit myself to identify all memories that are linked to inferiority, self-rejection and desire of recognition from others and will eradicate all energy from these memories, and then apply myself in physical reality to change my starting point of interaction with the world to be from with the relationship I have with myself, focussed on creating that which is best for all. 

I commit myself to take responsibility to investigate in self-honesty all three pillars and to not let go until I understand the relation of how they are interconnect and build the web of my three minds

I commit myself to eliminate all baggage I have adopted from my childhood and interaction with my parents through mind constructs and daily blog writing

I commit myself to treat myself as living being and stop all beliefs in thoughts that tell me that I have to measure myself in my performance in any way. 

I commit myself to shed my perception of inferiority and drop all other perceptions of myself that I can conjure up with my ego, so that I can address the world around me from within the relationship I have with myself and act with common sense. 

I commit myself to stop giving myself permission in any way, shape or form, to experience myself as inferior so that I brake the pattern of rejecting myself which motivates me to look for recognition outside of myself - I therefore slow myself down and take a breath before speaking, and look at the different situations in my life through self-honesty

I commit myself to become entire self-responsible and stop all fear in relation to facing myself in every situation that I encounter in the world.

I commit myself to eliminate all energetic reactions from the word failure and redefine the word so that I stop all related fear reactions
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Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Day 505 - Memories of my mother pt16

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I continue with the series of "Memories of My Mother" and this post is a follow up on the topic of "power" - the entire series so far can be read here:


Day 485 - Memories of my mother pt1
Day 487 - Memories of my mother pt2
Day 489 - Memories of my mother pt3
Day 490 - Memories of my mother pt4
Day 491 - Memories of my mother pt5
Day 493 - Memories of my mother pt6
Day 494 - Memories of my mother pt7
Day 495 - Memories of my mother pt8
Day 496 - Memories of my mother pt9
Day 497 - Memories of my mother pt10
Day 498 - Memories of my mother pt11
Day 499 - Memories of my mother pt12
Day 500 - Memories of my mother pt13
Day 501 - Memories of my mother pt14
Day 502 - Memories of my mother pt15




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalise the phrases my mother spoke to me repeatedly, like a recording device, and now allow these phrases to surface as voice in my head and then react to them by wanting the voices to stop but feeling helpless about stopping them because I have automated this mechanism. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react to the internalised phrases by my mother that surface as voices in my head with the sound of my mother’s voice and that I react to the voices instead of merely letting them go and pass through me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was more powerful than my mother and that her relationship with me did not affect me when I now realise that I was traumatised by the releationship with my mother and that believeing that I was stronger than my mother, in not letting her behaviour affect me, I denied and suppressed the truth. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow weary of writing self-forgiveness about my mother yet, I have seen much progress within myself about self-acceptance, self-trust, and stability within my relationship with self. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of my mother and still have anger come up albeit subtle and faint - so, I forgive myself for being impatient and desiring for this point to be resolved. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself permission to be able to let go of my anger and resentment - entirely - towards my mother so that I no longer have any reaction when I have to communicate with her - and so I forgive myself that I have still have avoidance issues, where I signal to myself that the memories of my childhood still have power over myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine how powerful I will be when and if I can be in a conversation with my mother and have no reactions, not realising that I am creating a superior persona via this imagination. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea of being powerful which adheres to the external world and therefore is about my relationship with the world and not my relationship with myself, and is still coming from within the program of wanting to control my environment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the idea of “being powerful” to create a program in how i relate to the world, to sabotage my process of change and to hold on to inferiority.
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Sunday, February 2, 2014

Day 503 - The trinity of inferiority/rejection/recognition 1

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I am taking a moment to interrupt the series of Memories of my Mother and walk this  supplementary self-forgiveness session to a mind construct that I am currently working on. Mind constructs reveal how we have used memoriesto program ourselves, we create them as part of the DesteniIprocess pro course. You can get started with a lite version of this course for free

In my writings I have seen that there are three pillars that make up the construct of self-victimisation. The pillars are inferiority, self-rejection (through judgement) and recognition (by others) and in this post I will walk them together, in their relationship to each other, in addition to a more detailed version in my (private) mind construct. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that inferiority, self-rejection and the desire for recognition is interconnected in my minds (conscious/subconscious/unconscious) and that I must approach all three pillars at the same time to uproot the system. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself as inferior and therefore reject myself and thus want to connect with others from the starting point of beingrecognised because I have programmed myself to not accept myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow inferiority to be a starting point for my interactions in the world based on the memories of parents and my childhood. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to reject myself based on values in the world that are related to performance attributes of me as a human but are devoid of the understanding that I am a living being. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a perspective of the world where I am at the centre of this perspective and therefore use the idea, the belief I have of myself to evaluate the world around me, and thus limit myself and imprison myself to not see, realise and understand what the world around me is like in common sense. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that when I place myself as the starting point of inferiority in the world i give myself permission to reject myself and through this rejection I am motivated in my actions to manipulate others so that I receive the recognition that I don't give to myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my memories to reinforce my perception of myself as inferior because I fear responsibility that I have to take for myself when I no longer make my actions dependent on other people (to receive recognition) because then I have no way out from myself and will have to face myself in all facets of living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when I stop the starting point of inferiority in how I perceive myself I have to make decisions in how to navigate my life and do not let others decide for me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to believe that self-responsiblity is difficult and dangerous because I fear making mistakes and having to deal with the consequences of those mistakes whereby I don't realise that even when I act from inferiority and perceive my actions for the sake of recognition I still have to face theconsequences even when I blame others for them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have define the word mistake in relation to self-responsibility and have used this relationship further to keep me enslaved in inferiority. 
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