Today was the fourth day in this new and temporary environment. I have come a long way from my previous post, my 2nd day experience. The writing supported me to get myself back on track and has also strengthen my resolve to stand up and stand strong as self, regardless if I seem to stick out of the crowd or not.
Today though I realised another point. When working side by side with these impromptu colleagues, some very successful people in their field, working habits transpire and it becomes quite evident that success results from the scaffolding of concentration, discipline, dedication, commitment and self-motivation. Success is indeed the end of a long road. There was in particular one person who impressed me with his stamina of concentration and self-motivation reading and writing about some very dry documents, often written in cumbersome language with lots of jargon. When I watched him work and saw his level of self-motivation, I realised that in many ways I stood in the way of my own success. I have known what to do in terms of the methods of working and the characteristics such as self-motivation - and here is the big but - I have not been consistent and deliberate at all times in applying them. I realised that in the past, I have victimised myself because all the hard work that I have done to reach a particular goal I frequently have undone through self-sabotage. I then manage to stand up again, do the work again, until I reach the point where I allow myself to let self-sabotage enter into the scenario. I herewith declare that self-sabotage is no longer my friend.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know in most situations what to do, in order to achieve the best possible result and reach my goal but that I deliberately misuse my knowledge to sabotage myself to the point where I fail to create the outcome I set out to achieve.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-sabotage to stay within my self-limitation because I believe that it’s a safe place and that I know my power within these limits.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what lies outside the limits that I have accepted as me and that I use this fear to sabotage myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of the fear that I have created, the fear of letting go of the fear, and therefore keep myself trapped in fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that every time I allow my thoughts to direct me in the moment, I give into my mind and weaken my being.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself busy in the situation where on the one hand I push myself to move and self-direct the “who I am” from the starting point of my being, and on the other hand pull the breaks by letting go of my will and my ability to stay in awareness and surrender to my thoughts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that surrendering to my thoughts is OK at times and not at others, and thus I am sabotaging myself as I am wavering in my stance to the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself preoccupied between these two scenarios so that I do not have to face what lies beyond my self-limitations.