Friday, June 20, 2014

Day 539 - "I have to make a decision" - The desire for a solution pt3




Here I continue from the previous posts:

Day 537 "I have to make a decision" - The desire for a solution pt1
Day 538 "I have to make a decision" - The desire for a solution pt2

Backchat and Reaction Dimensions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge individual contributions by the people who are in my team from the point of the person's personality which I use to formulate backchat within me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions about the contributor’s intentions and use this assumptions to motivate my backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret contributions that are made by the people I am working with, and within this interpretation lose myself in backchat. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anxiety, frustration and anger about having to make a decision that clearly affects members of the team because I fear their resentment for my judgement even though I stand by my decision as being best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the reaction of anxiety, frustration and anger to prevent myself from gaining an overview of the situation where I can see all its details because when I am reacting in anxiety and fear my view is fragmented, and black and white.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the reaction of anxiety, frustration and anger to trap myself in the prison I create from my emotions and do not genuinely want to step out of this prison because I allow for backchat to continue, instead taking the responsibility for the decision to stop myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mistaken decision-making as being an external matter when making any decision starts with the internal world, whether the decision is genuinely about who I am and thorough to achieve that which is best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waver in making decisions and living the decisions that concern my own mind. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself so that I can allow excuses why I should reverse decisions I have made for myself or why I can make exceptions. 



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