Friday, April 18, 2014

Day 532 - Everything hinges on me pt2




Here I continue from my previous post. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow tired of having to repeat myself when the person working with me does not get it after repeating myself multiple times, because I realise that I do not want to give someone else instructions in what to do because I want them to SEE what needs to be done in common sense and just do it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a reaction to the person I am working with when they misconstrue the reasons for a certain measure because I feel that they weren't listening to me when I took the time to explain the situation in detail. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resentful towards myself for seeing what needs to be done, to move the work ahead - where I want to be like others, who are moving in 'oblivion' expecting someone else to take care after them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret a choice that I have made because I did not investigate thoroughly the ramifications of my choice within common sense but instead listened to my reason, instead of walking the situation through in how it would play out in physical reality, and thus I see, realise and understand where I am acting just as irresponsible as others to whom I react to. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself with the belief that I can do anything and everything, that I have no limits, and that I use this belief to motivate myself to do the "impossible" and to make decisions in my mind, rather than from common sense by taking my ideas and applying them to physical reality to first investigate without emotional attachment the consequences that I create, if I were to engage in a particular action. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stopped myself and tried to investigate whether what I wanted to pursue the "impossible" again, but now I see, realise and, understand that I did so with the emotional attachment of "not wanting to give up". 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still experience pride when I get as many things done as possible, which I still operate from 'fear' within my motivation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have justified my hyper motivation as dealing with exceptional circumstances, where I have to perform on multiple fronts more than 100%

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to drift into my imagination where I am in another life, and where I can finally do all the things that are no longer "a must do". 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel exasperated about myself because I have walked this point before and yet I am still encountering some of the same thoughts

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