Friday, March 21, 2014

Day 529 -Two sides of a coin: Two sides of a coin: betrayal and distrust pt12

Here I continue with the commitment statements in relation to day 522

I commit myself to learn to breathe in the moment of backchat about my perceived short comings where I limit myself by believing that my backchat is more than me. 

I commit myself to stop any ideas about what I can or cannot do with my backchat and do not make my backchat dependent on the content where I believe that when my backchat is focussed on my negative self-definitions or on self-criticism then I am dealing with a special case of backchat that is more difficult to deal with than other backchat. 

I commit myself to stop trying to live up to the picture in my mind, the mental picture I have of myself so that I no longer have to compare my lived reality and my performance in it to the mental picture - so that I no longer have to hide what I perceive as discrepancy between the picture in my mind and the reality, as I perform in it. 

I commit myself that in the moment when I am acting from my automated 'fear of exposure' program that I slow myself point down so that I can identify what triggers that behaviour - and so that I can stop myself permanently from going into panic mode when I fear being discovered. 

I commit myself to identify and release all shame in relation to the memory of my father taking pictures of me in private situations and during moments of punishment

I commit myself to identify and release my parents' judgement of me that I have internalised.

more on day 523

I commit myself to that I will work through my programs in relation to my parents so that I can come to a point where I stop blaming them for my experience.

I commit myself to make use of the realisations I've had about my father's fear of shame by stopping my automated judgment of him.

I commit myself to end my "courage" personality that I use to compensate for the fear of shame.

I commit myself to walk through the program of pride where I direct myself from pride instead of directing myself from common sense.


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