Saturday, January 4, 2014

Day 488 - Testing myself on New Year with the Chinese Zodiac pt2



This post is a continuation from day 486

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the reading of the Chinese Zodiac to occupy myself with backchat where I diss what I read because I try to convince myself that what I read isn't true, yet I am only covering up my fear of loss - the loss of my hopes for a successful, happy and healthy year.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my backchat to quickly search for strategies how I would counter the negative situations that I believe might happen to me, according to the Chinese Zodiac, so that I can remain composed and pretend that what I read leaves me with indifference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my backchat to continue to feed the energies of fear of survival which is not based on whether the prediction that I read was positive or negative but relates to the act of identifying myself with the information and then either way fearing that survival is at stake by not fulfilling the positive predictions nor avoiding the negative ones.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to what I read with fear and at the same time suppress my reaction because I do not want to admit to myself that this Chinese Zodiac has power over me because I consider myself superior to this type of information and thus I fail to stand equal to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with self-doubt because in this one moment where I am reacting to reading the Chinese Zodiac I believe that I have made little progress in walking out of my emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to myself with anger because I believe that I have fallen into my own trap because I had projected that my reactions would be a lot less than what they're actually are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with embarrassment because I judge this type of information as junk and yet I have fallen for it emotionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be of the mindset where I still look for a better life within the system, which means that I still have faith in the system in which we live and that it is valid and thus I am revealing to myself that I do not want to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have read the text of the Chinese Zodiac from the starting point of my memory instead of reading it from the starting point of oneness and equality - from within the centre of myself.


4 comments:

  1. cool, one clarification pls, "from within the centre of myself." , how do you read like that?

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    Replies
    1. Anton, it's about the relationship with self - physically from within the chest area, it's an internal focus rather than an external one. I wrote about my starting point of this realisation of relationship with self here: http://manuelaj.wordpress.com/2013/08/17/the-decision-bernard-i-got-it/ let me know if that makes sense.

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  2. cool thanks, your blogs are really supportive, thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  3. groovy Anton - that's useful writing then :)

    ReplyDelete

 
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