Friday, January 3, 2014

Day 487 - Memories of my mother pt2




In this post I continue from day 485. This is a series that I will be walking throughout the month of January 2014.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to not realise that self-value is a product of interaction with others because when I am spending time alone and I am content in my introverted personality I create a world of my own which is then most valuable to me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used the memory of my mother to create a introverted personality where I am value onto myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the program of self-value to create separation between myself and the rest of the world. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the program of self-value to justify that I require to be alone to experience myself in a calm and relaxed state. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in agitation when the value I perceive I give to another is not accepted and recognised. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with a sense of loss when I have created a situation where the value that I believe that I have given to another has not been recognised. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger when I have created a situation where the value that i believe that I have given to another has not been recognised. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with the urge of wanting to physically separate from another when the value that I believe that I have given to them has not been recognised. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with blame when I create a situation where the value that I believe that I have given to another has not been recognised. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with blame because I recall that my mother reacted to me with blame for having created situations where I did not see the value that she had given to me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with blame when I create a situation where the value that I believe that I have given to another has not been recognised - because I do not want to take responsibility for the program that I have created in relation to self-value so that I do not have to change. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with blame when I create a situation where the value that I believe that I have given to another has not been recognised - because I do not want to recognise what I have created within myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with blame when I create a situation where the value that i believe that i have given to another has not been recognised - because it comes easy and feeds my energy addiction. 

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to react with blame when I create a situation where the value that i believe that I have given to another has not been recognised - because in my memory of my mother when she voiced her blame towards me or any other member of the family we generally fell silent because that was the only way to stop the situation and so I suppressed a lot of anger because I believe that I could not clarify the situation nor communicate in common sense with my mother nor my father (because my father was protecting my mother).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with blame when I create a situation where the value that I believe that I have given to another has not been recognised -because in my memory of my mother when she voiced her blame towards me there was never space for my perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react physically in my solar plexus and emotionally with anxiety and frustration when writing about the memory of my mother where she blames me and I experience myself in utter frustration because there was nothing I could do to change the situation. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I did not realise that my mother was blaming me out of her own frustrations and discontent and that this has nothing to do with me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I did not realise that my mother was looking for ways to empower herself which she could when I reacted to her blaming me for her unhappiness in life - as I can see within myself that I use blame to empower myself momentarily so that I do not have to investigate the “I” that I have created. 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blamed my mother for my lack of self-value, and lack of self-trust and by doing so have continued the cycle of the blame game as an act of revenge. 

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