Thursday, January 2, 2014

Day 485 - Memories of my mother pt1



In this post I start a series about the memories I have with my mother and how these relate to the programs I have accepted as me in relation to value, trust, control and power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself for the sake of self-value but to place value onto my experiences/ideas/perspectives and use those to obtain value for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my existence has to be valuable in some tangible form so that I can reflect it back to myself through my interactions with others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my value cannot be seen because I don’t see my own value as life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that without tangible value I don’t have any power in the world, and if I am powerless, I don’t exist. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can give my value away to the world and others, and this value in form of knowledge, experiences and ideas has more value than me as the living being. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the value that I give away to the world is not accepted by others in the way that I see it.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself with the belief that I can give something away from myself, instead of realising that all is one and interconnected and that the idea of  “giving away” is the foundation of the mind-consciousness system to separate and fragment the whole of existence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of my mother telling me that I have no value in her life and that I hold onto this idea because I have created my ego from the starting point of becoming valuable in the eyes of others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from "powerful" and from "having authority" because I have defined "powerful" and "having authority" within the memory of my mother telling me that I have no value in her life, in separation of myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a reaction of anger to the memory of my mother telling me that I have no value in her life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger to the memory of my mother telling me that I have no value in her life because I realise that I have used this memory to program myself with self-interest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger to the memory of my mother telling me that I have no value in her life because I realise that I have used this memory as a starting point to hold on to my idea that others are against me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the memory of my mother telling me that I have no value in her life to have made it one of my major purposes to create tangible value that is accepted by my mother and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mother for not valuing myself because I have programmed myself with and through the memory of my mother telling me that I have no value in her life so that I  experience myself as valueless. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have extended the blame cycle blaming my mother for not valuing my existence to blaming others when I do not receive a response that acknowledges my value upon the exchange of what I consider “giving away “something valuable. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that one day my mother will recognise my value because I have shown her tangible results. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that one day my mother will take her statements back of me having no value to her, and then I can change the memory for good and all will be better in my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that one day I make a contribution where others recognise my value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that one day I will reach a place in my life where I am no longer searching for the value that I can be/represent/perform.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that one day my mother confides to me that she’s sorry for the way she treated me when I grew up. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that one day my relationship with my mother will have changed where we have a real conversation and that this will be a sign that she values me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about those to whom I 'give away' my 'valuable' ideas/experiences/knowledge and who do not reciprocate what I believe I give to them by acknowledging the value that they are receiving from me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about my mother recognising my value and then project this backchat to other situations that I re-create so that I can re-iterate my belief that I have no value. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about those I advice because I am waiting for a response that confirms that what I communicated has value to them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about those with whom I interact and who acknowledge my value so that I judge them negatively and experience myself as uncomfortable in their company. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about those who demonstrate to me that I have value in their life because I consider them weak, insecure and less than me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to judge the situation that describes a response by someone who I believe does NOT recognise the value that I believe I have given them as good/positive/right, and that I believe further this to be a challenge for myself to prove them otherwise. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need a challenge to prove that I am valuable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that challenges are good/positive/right and that I will grow through accomplishing challenges in my life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to judge the situation that describes a response by someone who I believe DOES recognise the value that I believe I have given them as bad/negative/wrong, and that this triggers me to lose real interest in that person. 


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerful when I am recognised for the value that I believe I bring to a situation. 


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