Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Day 448 - Shared living: I'll walk through all the points

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This is the final dimension for the current series related to me directing myself in my new living environment. 

Day 441 - Trying to create stability in my new environment through characterisation

Day 442 - Focus on "newness" is separation - SCS

Day 443 - Old patterns in new environments


Day 446 - Still believing that backchat is a safe haven


Day 447 - I react, because I can't do what I want

The reaction and physical dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around the house as if I was walking on egg shells because I don't want to make too much noise in an environment where everything echos, because I'd rather not interact with my flatmates and engage in small talk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes move rather quickly in and out of the kitchen because I don't feel like running into other flatmates because I don't feel like communicating with anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger when one of my flatmates leaves the door to the flat open when she leaves early in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with resentment when I have to make conversation in the kitchen because I react to the friction that comes up when I am not doing small talk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger when my flatmate does not take care of her laundry after it is already dry and blocks the drying rack for me.


The consequence dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the shared living situation is an effective mirror for me to see my own progress in standing one and equal to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I have taken a decision to go this route of shared living with others in a deliberate manner to bridge the time my partner and I need, so that we can  get our life organised in one location.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet have taken the decision to walk every point that comes up in my new living environment one and equal to myself.


Commitment statements

When and as I want to walk around the house because I am reacting with resentment of not wanting to engage with my flatmates I stop and breathe, I realise that this reaction is self-abusive and stand up from self-victimisation and walk through the house normally.
commit myself to stop all self-manipulated behaviour and walk around the house normally regardless of what time of the day and whom I might run into.

When and as I want to move quickly in and out the kitchen so that I can't be nailed down to talk, I stop and breathe, I continue to move normally and do not make any concessions and go about my business.
commit myself to move consistently and stop all thoughts and reactions that motivate me to move otherwise.

When and as I react in anger because my flatmate leaves the door open, I stop and breathe, I realise that I need to talk to her and make her aware of this habit.
I commit myself to talk to my flatmate about leaving the door open and will do so in an unemotional manner.

When and as I react with resentment because i have to make small talk in the kitchen, I stop and breathe, and talk about something that I am interested in instead of creating a separation because I don't feel like talking. I commit myself to be an active participant and find a topic that I am interested in.

When and as I react to my flatmate not taking down the laundry when it's dry, I stop and breathe, and get my own drying rack to solve the problem.

When and as I have backchat or reactions come up about my living environment, i stop and breathe I give myself permission to walk each point as it comes up and stop self-sabotage and manipulation
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Sunday, October 20, 2013

Day 447 - I react, because I can't do what I want

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This is a continuation from my last post, and from these previous posts


Day 441 - Trying to create stability in my new environment through characterisation

Day 442 - Focus on "newness" is separation - SCS

Day 443 - Old patterns in new environments


Day 446 - Still believing that backchat is a safe haven


Here I am tackling the reaction dimension.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the flatmate I have a friction point with by selecting to be more quiet towards her, in the sense that I don't talk about something that is beyond a certain lightness because I do not want to get too closely involved with her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger at times because I cannot utilise the kitchen since the kitchen is smallish and two people cooking independently is a bit tight and uncomfortable for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with impatience to my living situation where I want to do when I want to do and not have to make adjustments because of other people.

Commitment

When and as to hold back of sharing myself with my flatmate, I stop and breathe, I realise that not speaking much does not make for good relations, I therefore look for something I can share between myself and her. I commit myself to make an effort to find a shared topic which I can use in my communications with one of my flatmates.

When and as I get angry, because my flatmate is occupying the kitchen, I stop and breathe, and find ways to better work around everyone's schedule. I commit myself to organise myself in a way so that my life runs smoothly and I am not influenced by everyone else' schedule. I commit myself to organise my life taking these circumstances into calculation.

When and as I react with impatience towards my living situation and where I experience an urgency to get my stuff done in my way, I stop and breathe, I realise that this is my ego, and that I can stop it from taking advantage of me. I commit myself to stop myself from creating stress about having to approach my current environment in a different manner. 


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