In this post I follow up on the self-forgiveness I wrote in my previous post, day 390.
If and when I allow myself to exist in polarisation where I allow myself to create a starting point in my interactions with others based on beliefs that I have formed from memories and interactions, I stop and breathe, I stop this allowance in one breath because I realise that this act is the consequence of having created myself in separation of the world, where I have used beliefs to define myself, and so to perpetuated these beliefs I need to define others to fit in my polarised perception of the world. I commit myself to create a starting point of interacting with others where I consider what is best for all from within the interaction and not my mind by using my breath to direct myself.
If and when I justify the belief that I need to have a picture of myself and others to act in the world, I stop myself and breathe, I realise that accepting the justification as real is giving permission to my mind as guide and not directing myself in breath. I commit myself to stop accepting my mind as real and discard the justification, I do not believe the thought.
If and when want to recreate the relationship between mental pictures and memories stored within these pictures, I stop myself and breathe, I realise that the safety I perceive through having apparently control over my world is an illusion, where I have misplaced trust by not trusting myself as the breathing entity in physical reality, instead I trust in the mind and in the picture my mind produces. I commit myself to trust myself in assessing my reality breath-by-breath in common sense and realise that safety and control are ideas which I allow to exist within me to be able to create fear (when I experience loss of control) as a resource for energy production.
If and when I want to place memories above physical reality I stop myself and breathe, I do not allow myself to create a mental superiority within me from which I act. I commit myself to stop being directed by my mind and direct myself in physical reality.
If and when I want to justify that I must record my interactions with others as memories so that I can tag these memories as reference points for the following interactions I stop and breathe. I commit myself to stop holding onto the past and bring myself to living here in each moment of breath.
If and when I see how I have enslaved myself using memories within pictures to define myself and others, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to create an energetic charge I apply myself breath-by-breath. I am committed to free myself by stopping my mind through stopping my addiction to energy.
If and when I want to continue the split-existance, splitting myself from the physical reality by accepting that I must define myself within a picture and that I must behave from how I judged the world through polarised memories I stop and breathe, I commit to unite myself in equality and oneness.
If and when I allow backchat come up because I believe that staying breath and not allowing myself to access memories is difficult, I stop and breathe, I realise that I am trapping myself with this belief to justify not pulling through in the moment of when I am interacting with others, where I allow myself to fall back on established behaviour patterns. I commit myself to eradicated all evaluation of my perception.
If and when I imagine that my relationships will fall apart when I stop myself from interacting with others in my habitual manner of first accessing memories and judgement, I stop and breathe, I realise that I have fallen for my mind's imagination and the illusion that I am capable of producing - I commit myself to move past this point by recognising the mind for what it is.
If and when I try to imagine what comes after my pictures are gone and I only stay here in breath, which is how I create anxiety and fear inside of me by going into my imagination, I stop and breathe, I realise that knowing what it will be like entails the mind's starting point, and thus I have created a closed loop because I want "to know". I commit myself to trust myself and "breathe to be".
If and when I conjure up ideas where I allow myself to estimate, imagine, understand and comprehend what comes after the pictures and a existence that constantly references the past in form of memories, I stop and breathe, I realise that I am still allowing my mind to protect itself. I commit myself to stop myself from accepting this protection to be useful, and realise that I miss opportunities of transformation if I continue to find justifications and stop myself in the moment where real change can occur.