Thursday, July 4, 2013

Day 380 - Grasping insights by seeing what is here pt2


This post is a continuation from my previous post....

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish that which I have realised by inserting the mind and allowing myself to reason about that which I can see about myself so that the reasoning is all that is left and I have negated the realisation.

I commit myself to in the moment when I have a realisation, stop myself as soon as I have seen how the relationships of my memories and programming fit together, and in this moment I do not enter into my mind, I stop all 'urges' of wanting to hold on to the realisation and breathe. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a realisation needs to be brought into mental format because I have believed that I can hold onto the realisation trying to understand the reason why I had this realisation. 

I commit myself to drop all the procedures, methods, and ways I have taught myself to retain information and stop any effort to retrieve the realisation from my mind. I trust myself to speak the realisation from breath in the moment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that as soon as I use the mind I create consequences for myself. 

I commit myself to stop relying on the mind and realise that even though the mind seems reliable in the moment, I see that this is only so because I have habituated myself in this manner. I realise that all I do with my mind loops the points that I have realised back into my systems. I stop creating time loops for myself by stopping to use the mind to explain my realisations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not looked at what realisations or insight are about in more detail because I have automatically treated realisation and insights as information and knowledge.

I commit myself to stop using a familiar approach to assess my realisations because this is what feels comfortable to me. I approach my automated behaviour by not speaking at all, and only when I see that I am in breath I speak about that which I realised. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a desire towards 'having a realisation' because this gives me the idea that I am making progress in my process. 

I commit myself to stop any desire of realisations because I realise that the wish to have an indicator that I am progressing stems from my mind. I commit myself to stop modelling my process on an educational approach. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can walk my process without my mind, without reasoning, or explaining to myself that which I have realised. 

I commit myself to be self-trust by walking each point of self-programming in absolute detail. 

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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Day 379 - Grasping insights by seeing what is here

In the past couple of days I saw that insights about myself become subject of my mind because I want to grasp the realisation mentally. I want to hold onto that which I have realised in my mind by explaining the point back to myself and therefore create a form of knowledge. I want to “know” and “ understand”, not accepting within myself that the realisation in itself is enough.  

The point is that I have been taught to handle information in this manner and this is also what I do to myself. Yet, a mind’s view of the realised point negates the realisation, because the point then becomes "material" of the mind which is always connected to consequences. 

Actually, I am quite aware of this mechanism in how I use realisations to 'negate' walking out of my mind because I can follow the physical steps involved: The realisation accumulates until a threshold is reached and this moment - which is an unspeakable moment - is when I ‘see’ the realisation. This is the main point, “I see” not know, not understand. “Seeing” is enough, it’s that kind of simplicity. All else that follows from there involves the mind, it turns the realisation into a complex thing through mental reasoning. 

How do I see realisations as a physical thing? After the moment I have realised a point about myself, I cannot go back to the "unseen" part of myself, I cannot forget what I have realised unless I have created a belief in my mind -  by having mentalised a point and believing it to be a realisation. Realisations about oneself are about moving oneself towards oneself. 

In the next post I will be writing self-forgiveness on this point. 

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