Friday, March 8, 2013

Day 295 - The One-Day Depression Pattern pt 1

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The problem:

Once in a while I have a day where I 'turn' depressed. It may only last one day. I can tell that stopping this pattern that leads to the pattern of depression is like a gateway, wherein I am missing the point of standing up and thus stagnate in the pattern and use "the depressed day" as a cover-up. The problem is that I do not yet understand the pattern that proceeds the depression.

It is as if I try to stand up in a particular point and move myself but I don't succeed and eventually I just give up. Then the depression hits. During this time everything I do becomes heavy and seems like a waste of my time because the outcome of my actions are qualitatively speaking not satisfactory - I am dragging and this reflects in the outcome of what I do.

Once I have entered the tunnel, it then seems impossible to stop my thoughts and me believing in them.

The solution:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get to this dark and bleak mood that I accept as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot change and that all is a waste of time for me, because I cannot understand, see and realise the patterns that I have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I continue to trap myself in the future and that my future is full of failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it's impossible to stop myself from going into this depressed pattern as long as I don't understand how to stop my bigger patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search in my mind what I have experienced the day before to find the answer to this pattern instead of walking it in writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this heaviness I experience is real and justified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself so that I do not need to take self-responsiblity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-pity to get attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop myself from changing by giving into my mind and accept thoughts that lead to depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe in these moments when the pattern comes up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend I don't know what triggers this pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept to face myself and thus use this depressed state pattern to not take responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience impatience with myself because I don't have any insights into the pattern.
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Day 294 - Correcting my starting point of asking the public questions - self-commitment statements

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In this post I am walking the correction through self-commitment statements whenever I am going to posit a question to the public.

The reward:


Once I walk the self-commitment statements I am able to stand and speak as equal to the situation.

If and when I am writing out a question for a social network public to answer, I first clear myself of any hidden agendas.

I commit myself to contribute questions online from a self-honest starting point.

I realise that I not only in my questions but on other occasions as well still act from the starting point of manipulation where I want to convince others that an equal money system is the onlysolution for a new starting point towards a system of equality. While I realise in awareness that this is not supportive, it's an automated mechanism of my ego that I allow to exist and participate in.

If and when I am in the position where I could speak about equal money, I stop myself from going down an automated path and listen to what the other person has to say, and within that I look to contribute to the person's view by giving a suitable perspective on equality.

I commit myself to participate with others from the starting point of wanting to share equality in principle and stop all ego-related manipulations.

I commit myself to take this point back to self and stop my ego from manipulating my self and others.

If and when I sense resistance to speaking from the place of self-honesty, i stop myself and breathe and stop myself mid-sentence, clear myself and continue speaking.

I commit myself to stop myself at any moment when I realise that I am speaking from ego and not as equal.




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Thursday, March 7, 2013

Day 293 - Correcting my starting point of asking the public questions

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The problem:

I was recently in the position to ask the public of a social network some questions. One of the questions I asked, I did in such a way that I wanted to make a point with a particular phrase - a phrase in relation to equality - because I thought that the content of the phrase has not been much considered by others. 

Of course the question ended up not being a question anymore but I had the satisfied feeling that I had given this phrase maximum exposure because by placing it inside a question more people would read it than when using the same phrase inside an answer to someone else' question. 

The essence of this act was based on hope, hoping that my act of placing this phrase inside the question would strike a chord somewhere with someone and that - at least - this one person would start to investigate the point of equal life. So I took deliberately licence to manipulate because I was hoping that it would bring awareness of equality. 

The problem here is that I did not place questions to the public from the starting point of equality but from the starting point of having an agenda to fulfil.

The solution:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that hope is valid and that good intentions give me the licence to manipulate, not realising that this is exactly the same reasoning that the parents use to perpetuate white lies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people need to be forced into their “luck”, “well-being” or "betterment" and that I know what is good for them - not realising that I am part of the whole and that such a belief supports self-righteousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than others because I can use manipulation to coax others into “what is best for all”.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that just because I am walking my process of deleting my mind, I am superior as I am in a special place, and therefore I have just shown to myself that I still believe that I am special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not treat others as equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my superiority point and blindness to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use shame to trap myself in this superior/inferior construct instead of standing one and equal to the point i have created and let it go by walking the correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to teach others about equality when I am also only “a system on legs”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I want to manipulate others I also want to manipulate myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to use my knowledge of how the system works by indirectly fighting with the system, rather than realising while I have some insights I AM also the system - therefore I am fighting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient about not having an equal money system already, as it seems all so simple to me, and I pretend that I do not comprehend why others don’t share this view.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the same superiority I have towards others is exactly what bothers me on my fellow humans who expose themselves as superior by telling me that an equal money system is not possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the whole world has to suffer so much more because we can’t get it together to change the system in time before it totally collapses, instead of concentrating on my own process and how I am moving within equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear to endorse acts of hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that by using hope as a means to change the system I am not taking responsibility for myself and in fact exposing that I don’t want to change.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that when asking the question I was working from the starting point of ego.
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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Day 292 - Desire and Collaboration pt 1

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The problem:

I am in the process of starting a collaborative project. There are few things in here that I need to deal with beforehand: I desire collaboration and I desire a project. I have a history of collaborating with others on projects. So this is an opportunity and I can either walk this opportunity as I have always done which means that the project was special, that it had to have all of my attention and that I had to sacrifice myself for the project. Out of all the collaborators I would be the one who would drive forward and encourage everyone. I no longer want to do that because I realise I did it out of fear. I believed that others would not put enough effort out if I wasn’t rallying us up. This was mainly because I saw the collaboration as a special opportunity and I needed to make most of it. Rather, I see that all opportunities are equal and I now want to walk this collaboration, the opportunity, as equal. Thus, the problem is my historic relationship with such a situation which I will now let go of and create a ‘clean slate’ for me to relate as an equal.

The solution is always self-forgiveness:

Fear Dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I know nothing about my collaboration partner and do not know whether I can trust him or not.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the collaboration will show points that I have experienced in the past which might be difficult to work through.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my fear will stifle the project.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my desire to create xyz is based on energy which will interfere with the collaboration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I make decisions so that I can collaborate on this project and then the project falls through, and I have compromised myself, and have also let go of other opportunities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the project will not go through because I fear that the others are not as committed as I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to work on this kind of project and have a desire to be involved in the process of creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my desire interferes in making practical decisions within the project.
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Day 291 - Forcing Opportunities pt 4

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This post continues from the last one where I forgive myself about creating compulsive behaviour when I see an opportunity that could advance me in life. Here I am following up with self-commitment statements.


If and when I see an opportunity for myself, I slow myself down and first establish myself as equal to the opportunity before I do anything in pursuit of the opportunity.

I commit myself to direct myself in taking advantage of an opportunity and stop myself from reacting automatically.

If and when I want to have an opportunity for myself, I realise that I as the self-directive principle can create my own opportunities and do not need to wait for an opportunity to come along - and thus I stop operating from hope and belief.

I commit myself to stop myself from understanding opportunity as a random act of luck or incidental occurrence and within that I am rendering myself powerless, like a leaf in the wind - instead I commit myself to realise that I am creating myself and therefore every breath, every act towards this recreation is an opportunity for me to shape existing from the starting point of equality.

If and when I reach a moment where I see an opportunity and I ignite passion and desire I slow myself down through breathing, and realise that the only real moment of opportunity is here in this moment where I can stop my preprogrammed behaviour.

I commit myself to stop myself from being triggered by my desires when I see an opportunity for myself.
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Monday, March 4, 2013

Day 290 - Forcing Opportunities pt 3

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I continue self-forgiveness on the problem of acting in compulsion when an opportunity presents itself instead of acting from practicality and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when my opportunities don't pan out the way that I imagine they should, I look to blame others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust others involved in the situation instead of trusting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to display system honesty in these situations instead of self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to backchat about the opportunity wherein I am polarised to either believe that everything will pan out fine or that it will be a negative result, and in doing so I am either feeding expectation energies or fear energies and have no grasp on reality, because if I did I would realise that I could never determine the outcome of an opportunity from a singular perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to control others who are part of situation, where others will have to 'do' something for me, to respond to me for example, and if others do not engage on the level that I want them to do, I use backchat to place myself in a superior position within my mind to make up for my disappointment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that become obsessed in trying to figure out how I can skew a situation within a window of opportunity so I create an advantageous situation for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct my will towards my desires instead of directing myself here in breath.
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Day 289 - Forcing Opportunities pt 2

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I continue from my last post...


I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to still see opportunities as an "answer to my problems" if these opportunities contain elements that fulfil my desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I judge each opportunity in relation to my desire energy and not as practical decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I can first unload myself from the desire energy through self-forgiveness and then decide on the practicality of the opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life dependent on hope by wanting to fulfil my desires and seeing the fulfilment of the desires come through in opportunities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised how desires are a mental trap which I use to create an alternate reality of illusion which I try to realise in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise what constitutes an opportunity and what does not is dependent and specific to me on how I have accumulated myself in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the more I operate from the starting point of desire the more narrow my opportunities are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no desires because without desire, I have no image of myself that I try to live up to and if I have no image i have no self-definitions and no labels to which I can present myself to the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aroused by an opportunity when I see a thought in form of an image come up in my mind, in how this opportunity puts me into a successful position and confirms my mind-imagery of where I want to be in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in total self-interest when I see opportunities, because all I can ever see is what this opportunity presents for my mind, whereby all other context becomes irrelevant and secondary.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my self-righteous mind. 
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Sunday, March 3, 2013

Day 288 - Forcing Opportunities pt 1

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Problem:

The problem consists of having an opportunity to 'advance' myself in some manner. But instead of taking the opportunity on board and doing my part I often want to force the issue in making the opportunity a certainty. This is of course a form of control, and if it has to do with others then that can backfire and create more separation. In general it creates a situation where I act compulsively.

Solution:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the negative outcome of an opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a system of winners and losers wherein an opportunity is the manifestation of the moment before the winner and the many losers are decided upon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognise that I can do a number of things to take advantage of the opportunity and that at some point I have to recognise that I am not the determining factor in how reality unfolds and that i can only be self-responsible about the thoughts that I believe to be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that control has to be self-directed in how for example I control myself by stopping myself from believing in my mind.

to be continued...
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Day 287 - Facial Feedback Loops pt 5

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In this post I add the self-commitment statements and round up the solution with the reward for having walked this point.

To summerise, the problem that was faced is the self-programming from childhood in response to being told not to speak. I have therefore programmed myself to fear speaking about myself to others, specifically if believe the other person is in some advantaged position that holds power over me. This is mostly related to money and survival, therefore the problem surfaces mostly in a work context.

If and when I am confronted with my fear of speaking, i ground myself and breathe. I commit myself to stop my fears of speaking through having now realised that I no longer have to hold on to my childhood memories and that through self-forgiveness I free myself from being bound to the memory.

If and when I have the opportunity to participate with others where I have to speak in a group setting, I commit myself to push myself to participate in situations where I need to speak about myself to people in my professional circuit and continue to do so and not give into resistances or excuses that prevent me from doing it.

If and when I participate in situations where I have to speak in a group setting, I commit myself to stop the backchat that I have created about the fears of anticipating to speak, when I am in situations where I fear speaking.

If and when I get to the point where I just want to stop this program, I commit myself to breathe and stop myself from going into my imagination where I let my desire to be able to speak in an uninhibited manner take over and create an alternative reality about my capabilities.

If and when I project myself into situation where I think it is going to be better, I commit myself to stop creating expectations about how I have improved with speaking to others and stop all judgement on the point in every way.

If and when I experience the physical sensation of having to speak to others in a group setting I commit myself to stop being possessed by my childhood memories.

I commit myself to stop being ashamed of my programming where I have trapped myself in fear of not being able to speak to others.

I commit myself to use my breath, to walk this point until it's done. 


[Continue reading...]
 
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