Saturday, January 19, 2013

Day 249 - My accepted stress pattern & the resulting personality pt 17

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With this post I start to release the BACKCHAT dimension. A situational perspective is given on day 233, where I briefly outline the background to this pattern.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about how "slow" I am in relation to how I desire to move in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat justifying my slowness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat where I allow the automated voices in my head to rallying myself up with fear about not making a deadline.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat when I am running to the train and I am late where I encourage myself on to move faster.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat which I turn to internal pep talk for courage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about how I am always stressed and within this backchat I blame my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat on having too much to do so that I can justify my stress pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about my environment being too noise or too diverting so that I cannot work properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about stupid tasks that I have to do which take away from my main tasks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about people on the escalator not moving fast enough and obstructing my way to move faster.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about the street lights on Berchem station being too long and I can't run across the street fast enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about me not having organised my life in a more efficient manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about how I will change my life so that I no longer have to have so much stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about how other people do it to get much stuff done that I don't know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about the administrative procedures I have to go through to be a citizen and how that is a job in itself and within that I complain about "them" stealing my time.  
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Friday, January 18, 2013

Day 248 - My accepted stress pattern & the resulting personality pt 16

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Here comes the self-commitment statements on the IMAGINATION dimension

I see, realise and understand that my forgiveness statements on the Imagination dimension are predominately about being able to control my environment by manipulating time, time frames, schedules, deadlines, or other people's behaviour.

I see, realise and understand that my forgiveness statements on the Imagination dimension reveal that I am considering myself as a victim where things are happening to, be it the train departing, or someone else ( like Robinson Crusoe) keeping track of time for me.

I see, realise and understand that my forgiveness statements on the Imagination dimension show me that I am moving in space as physical object and that it is my responsibility to be the one who accounts for her activity every day.

I see, realise and understand that from my forgiveness statements on the Imagination dimension that I live in conflict where I do not want to accept the way the world works regarding time ultimatums, which shows me in that in essence I am not wanting to accept death.

I see, realise and understand that it is not only the memories of the first encounters with stress via my mother that have contributed to the fear and the pattern I have created but that I have furthermore with broad gestures created resistance and other automated defence mechanisms that create friction within me in relation to time.

I commit myself to stop my desire's mind to be in control of my environment, but standing equal to the physical world where time is part of the cycle of nature and all physical processes, and within that I stand equal to my own process of walking out of my mind and focus on breathing, by bringing breathing to my attention when I 'forget' about it. I commit myself to step by step eliminate all secret mind spaces where I try to escape my responsibility and commit myself to become the living example of responsibility in every move I make and every breath I take. I commit myself to accept the world as it is now, and realise that my resistances are not only self-sabotage but also in essence the mechanism of separation that keeps me from finding my own equality to what is here. I commit myself to within these commitment statements accept death from the being of life that I am and bring together all parts of self that I have spun into my mind. 
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Day 247 - My accepted stress pattern & the resulting personality pt 15

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more self-forgiveness on the IMAGINATION dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine how my life would be if I were moving at steady speed at all times and that no external event could change that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine what my life would be like if I were able to steadily work at all times, moving myself from one activity to the next, never experiencing any resistance, worry, or self-sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine what my life would be like if I could jump right in to any activity and not have to 'get my head around it' first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine my interactions with my mother being slow and easy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I speak up whenever the time frame to do something, or accomplish something is too tight for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I am going to die with lots of tasks left undone that someone else has to do them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I never get tired anymore and have the same awareness and concentration that I have early in the morning throughout my time awake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a "battle of days" where I battle the hours of each day by moving fast enough to get all the things I want to get done accomplished.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that time is a hostile construct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine to have streamlined my life to the point where I have reached a level of efficiency that is perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that each person that I am interacting with is OK with saying up front how much time we are going to spend on our interaction and that we both stick to it.
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Day 246 - My accepted stress pattern & the resulting personality pt 14

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Self-forgiveness statements on the IMAGINATION dimension. The situational perspective of this post can be had by reading day 233



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that at the moment when my mother is hassling me I say "stop" and she'll actually stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I have the freedom to slow down and do everything in slow motion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that in the middle of a stress situation I can stop the world and freeze frame everyone but myself and then continue to move at ease.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I have control over when the train/bus leaves and that I am taking my time to catch it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine whenever I am running late to get something done I am 'just' able to move the timeline.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that when I am running to the train and I am tight on time that the train is late again and I am safe to catch it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine how  I have all the time in the world and that it will make no difference to my life if I move very slowly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I am walking to the beginning of the queue and just take what I need instead of waiting for my turn.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I move in the world and go about my shopping while the world is in freeze frame and only I can move around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that my life is like a hourglass where the sand is running out and I am watching it go by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that Robinson Crusoe is marking off the days I have lived on a wall to keep track for me and show me how time flies by.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a camera zooming out from my picture, where I become increasingly more insignificant in the overall scope of the universe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I no longer have deadlines or anything that I must do and my life is totally free from time pressure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that my mother suddenly moves in slow motion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the relief I am feeling when I no longer have to stress about doing something on time or getting somewhere on time. 



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Thursday, January 17, 2013

Day 245 - My accepted stress pattern & the resulting personality pt 13

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Here I finalise my self-commitment statements for the THOUGHT dimension...

I see, realise and understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to have based my stress pattern on the fear of being punished for destroying something that belongs to my mother. I understand that the repeated reprimand not to break xyz has been used by me to create stress and anxiety. I commit myself to stop the pattern of anticipating the possible breaking of xyz to create stress within myself.

I commit myself to stop seeing myself as “running behind” whether that is literally, as in the picture where I am running behind a car, or whether that is figuratively, when I am “running behind” because I am late, or I am “running behind” after something I desire/want/need.

I understand that when I write a test, I have programmed myself to stress about finishing the test within the time I have. I commit myself to pace myself and stop my stress reactions.

I commit myself to stop the picture/thought of being stuck between a rock and a hard place which plays out, for example, where I am trying to get on the Autobahn and others are waiting behind me to move on, where I create stress by believing I am another person’s way.

I commit to make decisions in common sense. I delete thoughts where I am in a situation where I must speed up my own behaviour to keep up with what is happening in the situation, and within that situation I commit myself to make a decision in common sense to determine whether to continue my activity or not, and through making the decision and allowing myself to stop, I stop all stress.

I commit myself to engage in situations that I prior to my engagement first evaluate as "feasible" and if not feasible I look for alternatives so that I stop participating in a situation where I have to hope, guess, or wish that I get what I want.

I commit myself to stop when I am lost somewhere, and first breathe, recollect myself, before starting up again to find my way.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Day 244 - My accepted stress pattern & the resulting personality pt 12

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The following are the self-commitment statements on the THOUGHT dimension


I see, realise and understand that I allow a thought within me where I experience myself as shut out from participating with others, similar in how I shut myself out when isolating myself from others, and within that I maintain the stress pattern. I commit myself to release my limitations in regards to access / no access whether be that people, things, words, services, and stop all automated "blocking" that I allow as thought to exist within me.

I commit myself to embrace all that is dark within me and use it as grounds for my self-investigations.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that I create a stress pattern from missing trains or departures elsewhere. I commit myself to see all train departures as equal and stop making the train departure of the train that I want to get onto anything special.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that this picture is a picture I have seen in movies where someone is being followed and tries to escape by opening a door but is unable to do so in time...I therefore see, realise and understand that this is a collective picture we used to create fear within ourselves - by creating a stress persona we accept as way of life in the system we have created. I commit myself to release the relationship between stress and imminent danger and stop all fear of mind-death which is what fuels this picture.

I commit myself to see, realise and understand that are voices in my mind that I allow to take over and overwhelm me - and within that I commit myself to stop these voices by standing equal to the picture of being surrounded by people who are hassling me to move faster and do better.

I see, realise and understand that I am the one who choose to look at the picture of all the stressful situations I lived through with my mother from the perspective of fear and stress, and that I commit myself to stop building emotion up on this memory which I use to trap myself with.

I see, realise and understand that no one can leave me stranded except myself, as no one can place conditions on me except I myself. I commit myself to stop stranding myself with stress.

I commit myself to understand that millions of people are a reality which means that there are millions of myself, and moving within a high density of humans requires me to act in common sense.

I see, realise and understand that this picture/thought contains the notion of “doing something in vain” which creates fear within me because I do not get to fulfill the image I have of myself in which I accomplish the task. I commit myself to release attachments that I have to ideas and concepts which are in fulfillment of an image I have of myself.

I see, realise and understand that to produce stress patterns I abuse my body by placing myself in situations where I create limitations such as needing to go to the toilet but not being able to find one, which is a typical example of sabotage to maintain the pattern. I commit myself to stop all thoughts that sabotage and abuse my body.

I see, realise and understand that being forced to flee is also part of my ancestral download, which I capture in the thought that I have about packing up and fleeing at a moment’s notice. I see, realise and understand that when I am in a situation where I need to act swiftly that I can do so without creating the stress pattern and fear of survival. I commit myself to learn to move swiftly without driving myself into an energetic frenzy. I commit myself to stop all thoughts that arise in a situation where I have to move swiftly, that spin the situation out of control, instead I stay here in common sense and breathe through the situation as I am moving myself.


I commit myself to stop thoughts of late arrival and punishment, in particular regarding entering another country and commit myself to plan my trajectory according to the requirements, at all times.

I see, realise and understand that another thought in support of the stress pattern is to experience myself as “stranded”. I commit myself to stop believing in this thought of being stranded and understand that this is the result not trusting myself, which I commit myself to release.

I see, realise and understand that a thought/picture in which others are attacking my skin, which I no longer wear, shows my disposition of hostility towards others on the one hand, and not accepting myself, as the hostility turned against me, on the other hand. I commit myself to stop accepting hostility as the lens in how I see the world.

I see, realise and understand that I produce the stress pattern through the belief in lack. I understand that lack is either real when it’s physical or it’s imaginary when it’s to do with the fulfillment of the image I have of myself. I commit myself to release the image I have of myself and stop using it as decoy for stress.

I understand that relatives represent authority figures and that I am creating the stress pattern from thoughts of expectation. I commit myself to stop placing expectations on myself to create and maintain the stress pattern.  
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Monday, January 14, 2013

Day 243 - My accepted stress pattern & the resulting personality pt 11

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...more on the THOUGHT dimension.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought that I will be punished if I don't finish my task on time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am working on a finish line and someone is looking over my shoulder to see what I am doing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am given instructions over the phone to do an impossible job. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am sitting uncomfortably on my desk and do not move myself into a more comfortable position because I abuse myself for not working fast enough. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am suffering in the cold because I did not prepare myself, getting warm clothing, because I was in a hurry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am standing in the store and have forgotten to bring my wallet because I was in a hurry to make to the store before it closes. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am at the end of my life, looking back on all my missed opportunities. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am standing in front of a crowd and have to announce that I have not been able to finish writing my presentation because I was running late.


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Sunday, January 13, 2013

Day 242 - My accepted stress pattern & the resulting personality pt 10

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 More on the THOUGHT dimension....

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am seeing the slow motion of a shattering piece of glass as a result of a collision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am seeing myself running behind a car never catching up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am sitting in a room, writing a test, and I have only a few minutes left to finish the test and I am nowhere near getting to the end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am riding comfortably on the freeway in the States and then suddenly have to get off the freeway and get onto the German Autobahn where everyone is going so much faster. I am at the entry of the Autobahn waiting to catch a moment where I can get into the lane, while behind me cars are piling up who also want to get onto the Autobahn. Everyone is honking at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am listening to a recorded voice and I am transcribing what is being said, and as I am writing I have to write faster and faster to keep up with the voice that is speeding up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am in a store wanting to buy a sandwich which is in a display case together with other sandwiches. I am queuing and with each person who is ahead of me one sandwich is taken out of the display case so that there will be none left by the time it is my turn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am going to an appointment and I can't find the street where I am suppose to go. 


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Day 241 - My accepted stress pattern & the resulting personality pt 9

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 I continue the deconstruction of the stress pattern by walking the THOUGHT dimension in this post.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I arrive at an event last and cannot get in any more therefore I am shut out from participating with everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I stand in the dark on the border to a light area, where I can perceive the light area but cannot go there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am running to the train but just as I arrive the train departs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought, where I am trying to open the door with a key but the key won't open, and I am totally stressed because there is someone behind me trying to hurt me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am surrounded by people each person hassling me to do something faster and better, and with each second the voices become louder and the people are coming closer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am reliving all the situations of stress I experienced with my mother when I was a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am being left stranded by my parents because I have not been compliant in keeping up with the pace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am in a crowd of millions of people and I am trying to get away but I can't because people are preoccupied watching something and do not want to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am working on my desk and every word I write is being erased as soon as I have completed it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I have to go to the toilet but can't find one and the urgency is getting stronger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am forced to pack up and flee at a moments notice. Thus, I have to pack up that which is most important for my survival and I am stressed not finding anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am entering another country but am not allowed inside because I am arriving one day too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am sitting in a boat at sea and am waiting to be rescued.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am unzipping myself from my skin and stepping out of it, and walking away and as I turn around I see a bunch of people attacking my skin like a bunch of animals competing for food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where I am walking in the desert and the sand is hitting my face. I am thirsty and looking for water not finding any.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought where all my relatives line up and each is talking to me in turn how I have to become better at my time management. 
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