Sunday, December 22, 2013

Day 474 - Motivation and self-will pt4

I continue this series which started with these posts:

Day 471 - Motivation and self-will pt1

Day 472 - Motivation and self-will pt2

and follow up the self-forgivenss on fear, which I wrote about here:

Day 473 - Motivation and self-will pt3

with commitment to change:

When and as I find myself not wanting to let go of motivation, I stop myself and breathe, I realise that I project who I will be when I am acting from self-will without the emotion because I am looking at this point using my mind. I understand that there will be some time necessary where I adjust myself but I will myself through this time and will not allow this to be a time when I fall. I stop all expectations coming from my mind about what it will be like when I move myself from self-will and not from motivation - and to this I commit myself.

When and as fear comes up because I cannot see all the points that make up the picture I have of myself and which I pursue within the goals that I set for myself and that I use to motivate myself, I stop and breathe, I realise that there is no use for fear and that I am engaged in a process, which means that there are always points that I am not aware of but will be aware of in the future as I chisel away on the programs that I have used to trap myself. I slow myself down and only focus on one breath at a time, i stop all fear, worry, and anxiety on what I may miss in this point of time - and this is my commitment to myself.

When and as I use fear to create a relationship between motivation and my work, I see, realise and understand that I am allowing my mind to blackmail me into thoughts of fear, in how stopping motivation energy would affect my livelihood and my career, if I were to perform at my job in a different manner as when I perform my job duties with motivation energy.  I realise that blackmailing is one of the strategies that the mind has in store to stop me from changing and thus I stop all thoughts in relation to the work and motivation and eliminate the relationship in this moment! I commit  myself to stop creating a relationship between motivation and work and work and self-will on the basis of fear.

When and as I fear being lost and disinterested in doing anything because I cannot exist without the idea of purpose and focus, I see, realise and understand that purpose is largely a projection of self-interest, where I want to give my life meaning in a world where life has little meaning - and I don't want to face this reality of things. I give myself permission to see the world as it is and stop existing in polarisation where the 'negative' side produces fear within me so that I can justify holding on to the idea of purpose - I commit myself to learn to see things for what they are.

When and as I fear seeing aspects of myself that I have believed to be true and I have thoroughly identified with -  but they turn out to be part of the picture i have of myself I stop and breathe, I realise that I have created a picture of myself as a person who gets things done and that can focus single-mindedly because I needed to motivate myself to move out of my parents house when I was sixteen and to cope with the idea that I was entering the world alone without the backbone of parents which is how I created that personality that thrives on the energy of motivation. I commit myself to release the past, and all emotions and feelings about my youth and the relationship with my parents at the time and how I created myself on the basis of that relationship.


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