In my last post, I looked at motivation versus self-will and that I have mostly been a self-motivated person which then determined my will. By will I mean the staying power, the coping with obstacles and continuing, not giving up. In other words it has been through the motivation that is geared towards a particular outcome that I developed wilful action. The motivation is leading the will for me to persevere and stay steady with applying myself.
But what motivated me in the first place is to be/have/experience a particular thing/concept/object - the outcome. Either the entire outcome or some less obvious aspect of the outcome that I choose to identify with and that I am not aware of. And this particular thing/concept/object is thus linked to the picture I have of myself. That's the energetic cycle, to maintain the picture I have of myself. So, motivation has a direct connection to the ego and how we have defined ourselves. Motivation is a level of excitement from which we move, rather than from the common sense of the situation. I have not noticed it in my body as physical sensation that is why I wrote in my last post that I have not 'sensitised' myself to the energetic construct in the physical. I recall listening to the interview on confidence, I was surprised to hear how it physically manifests, which made me realise that I also have never been aware of it.
The Eqafe interview I mentioned in my last post, really drives the point home. Because the excitement of motivation is an emotion, it creates a disconnect from reality and forms a tunnel vision. Motivation can only focus on the outcome and objective and not on what happens in detail in the process. Because if that would be possible, then the process itself could 'derail' the motivation- when for example a decision was made that would no longer justify the object that motivates. Here we are then at the moment-to-moment walking because moment-to-moment walking requires moment-to-moment decision-making. Acting from emotion skips all that and one becomes blind to the moment-to-moment living.
In some of my early posts on this blog I have done self-forgiveness on self-defintions and the picture I have of myself. Rather than going back to that point which surely I will revisit at some later stage, I am going to look at the other end of motivation, which is the attachment on the outcome, the objective. In self-honesty, I realise that not having an objective, an outcome in my mind, I am not motivated and I am kind of lost. I easily home in on a focus and then my attention is trailing the objective until I have reached it. It's a game I play with myself, obviously.
Thus the focus of this series is to exist without basing my movement on the thing to be achieved. I understand that first a general focus has to be defined to direct oneself. For example: I am going to learn another language. From this point forward the focus is on moment-to-moment daily living. So, the relationship I want to disconnect and release is the one where the focus is on the object to be achieved, which then becomes the purpose of the focus that then guides the process, creating side effects, such as an 'expectation horizon'.
In my next post I'll start with the self-forgiveness.