For a long time I have counted on my passion to motivate myself. I can exhibit an incredible drive to get something done. I see it most often in situations where others around me are ready to give up and are astonished for me to keep going. For me giving up has never been an option, it has been like this ever since I can remember. When I really wanted to get into something or do something nothing could stop me. Though I don't get to this place all the time, often I don't get started, and unless I start I don't have momentum to keep going no matter what. I recall that "impossible" has not been much of a limitation with me. I used to have fights with my dad because he would say, "that's impossible" and I would say "no, it's not", we can make it possible.
Now I am wondering what is motivation though and what is self-will. Therefore I am writing this point out and will do self-forgiveness on it.
Earlier I listened to the interview series "Together we are strong", a life review on Eqafe. The life review is done by a former leader of one of the countries in the world. He talked about being so incredibly motivated, having so much passion to create change in the world that this passion kept him going, working against all odds but it also made him blind to the reality of things because he was guided by his emotions.
These statements struck a chord in me and I asked myself: when do I walk my path from passion/motivation and when do I walk from self-will? I consider self-will being at the starting point of awareness at a place where resistances are 'at home', so to speak. One has to move oneself through these resistances. Motivation by contrast is easy because it is masqueraded by emotions. Today when I was reflecting on the difference between the two, I could not tell if I was aware when I was under the influence of passion and when I was coming from self-will.
In other words, I have not developed a "sensitised self" in relation to the point, so that I can distinguish the two, only when I reach some form of extreme, say when I have a lot of resistances, then it's obvious that I have to move from self-will, to move myself at all. (though it does not mean that self-will and resistance are linked at all times) Likewise, when I perform past my body limits then that's me acting from emotion ignoring the physical constraints.
A fabulous way to observe these mechanisms has been within the sexual realm, acting from self-will is quite a bit of work and requires a step-by-step process: first decision and then self-movement via self-will.
I will continue in my next blog on this point.