Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Day 470 - My relationship with a virus pt8






This is the last post in this series of days 463-270

Day 463 - My relationship with a virus pt1

Day 464 - My relationship with a virus pt2

Day 465 - My relationship with a virus pt3

Day 466 - My relationship with a virus pt4

Day 467 - My relationship with a virus pt5

Day 468 - My relationship with a virus pt6

Day 469 - My relationship with a virus pt7



In this post I will write about the Consequence dimension.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise when I got involved with Z that I was creating consequences for myself that would affect me for the rest of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down in the moment when I want to follow my mind and first assess how my decision will affect my body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created states of anger which I directed to my ex-partner because I could not control the situation with him, and in this moment I used the virus as revenge act to get back at him - and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have acted in total separation and spiteful intention, passing on what has been passed onto me instead of realising that this is how abuse is perpetuated, creating cycles of abuse.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for how I act in the world, where in this instances I created consequences with one decision from the starting point of egodesire and need, and only now recognise the web of consequences I have created for myself and others.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have turned a blind eye to how my desire and need for affection and recognition from my partner have directed my life so that I undermined myself to the point of self-destruction.



Commitment

When and as I make a decision to act, I render myself aware of the potential consequences, because I realise that every decision I make has repercussion that I must first consider, specifically I must realise that feelings and emotions are blinders within the decision-making process. Therefore I commit myself to stop all feelings and emotions and suspend making decision when I am under the influence of an emotional state.


When and as I experience anger, I stop myself and slow myself down and breathe, I freeze all my actions because I stop myself from allowing anger to direct me - I take responsibility and commit myself to make decisions that are based on the principle of "give as you would like to receive" regardless of how others in my reality respond to me,  I centre my actions within the relationship I have with myself.

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