Saturday, December 14, 2013

Day 466 - My relationship with a virus pt4




This post is a continuation from the previous post:


Day 463 - My relationship with a virus pt1

Day 464 - My relationship with a virus pt2

Day 465 - My relationship with a virus pt3




Imagination dimension:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I will find the cure for the virus to get it out of my life and body - and thus I don't give up trying new things that can kill the virus for good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I can communicate with the virus and that we can get to an agreement that it will not longer attack my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that the virus has a choice to either decided for me or against me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself that others will no longer allow me in their midst when they know about my virus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that others see me as a danger to their children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the virus in separation of me and not realising that I am as much the virus as I am me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that what would have happened if I had ended my relationship with Z and the virus could have never entered my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine if I had protected myself by not being intimate when Z was looking sick and this is why I replay the memory where I actually stop myself and him from getting physically close as he is looking sick.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that there is a good side to having a virus like the one I do and I imagine that good side has to do with preserving my body in some way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I tell Z that it was never worth it to be with him and that I blame him for giving me a virus because he knew very well what was up even if I did not.

Commitment:

When and as I desire to erase my history with the virus I stop my thoughts because I realise that my main concern is the picture I present to the world in the moments when the virus is active. While I understand that the picture I present to the world has impact on how people judge me, I see, realise and understand that there is no reason to judge myself. I commit myself to stopjudging myself as picture and start living as being here, equal and one to existence.

When and as I imagine that I can communicate with the virus I stop myself and breathe because I realise that this me wanting to negotiate peace since I do not want to accept the virus as is. Icommit myself to stop all separation regarding the virus and face up to my choices.

When and as I imagine the virus as an autonomous being I stop and breathe, I realise that this is a typical move on my part - as our culture personifies all kinds of things, e.g. cartoons, stuffed animals, etc, - this serves me to have an entity that I can address in a number of ways, e.g. blame for not making a decision in my favor. I therefore stop creating a persona from the virus' existence.

When and as I imagine that others don't allow me in their midst I realise that these are my fears that I project onto others, I stop and breathe and I realise that I create separation between myself and others through fear of rejection and I allow my fears to dictate me who I am.  I commit myself to stop my fears.

When and as I have regret about my relationship with Z, I stop and breathe, I realise that this relationship was the consequence of my programming in relation to not accepting myself and needing others to validate me. I commit myself to stop making decisions in how I direct myself that support any programme where I see myself as less than someone else.

When and as I imagine that there is a good side to having this virus in my body, I stop myself from making up a story in my head to calm myself down. I commit myself to stop creating emotions in relation to the virus.

When and as I want to have an imaginary conversation with Z, I stop myself and breathe, I realise that this is my justification for how I feel about having the virus and obviously I don't want to take responsibility for this virus.

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