Friday, November 1, 2013

Day 452 - The first steps of learning the inability to communicate pt3



In this post I continue writing on the pupils, their classroom activities, and the behaviour of the teachers towards the pupils. 

The previous posts related to this topic can be found here:

Day 450 - The first steps of learning the inability to communicate pt1
Day 451 - The first steps of learning the inability to communicate pt2

Commitments on the fear dimension.

When and as I fear that more children will be brainwashed by our unawareness of how we program children and that this will affect their self-value, I stop and breathe, I realise that walking my process with unrelenting dedication and discipline is the answer to this fear because only if I stop myself from continuing my preprogrammed behaviour, I can set an example of self-movementby which others can see how we can change to live in this world in equality. I commit myself to become a living example of walking out of my mind by applying self-forgiveness and walking the self-correction on the pre-programmed points of my behaviour.

When and as I try to convince myself that I cannot overcome my own indoctrination, I stop and breathe, I realise that here I am allowing my mind to limit myself instead of getting on with it, walking my process without any predications or projections what I can and cannot do. I commit myself to apply myself in my process intently and with deliberation, breath-by-breath so that I walk out of my mind.

When and as I fear that I will not be aware of how I pass on my automated behaviours to others when in teaching situations, I stop and breathe, I see, realise and understand that I can be aware of my behaviours when I slow down and stop myself, when I do not allow my ego to take over and I do not allow myself to believe my thoughts - I realise that through this process I trust myself to increase my ability to see my points of automation and thus I am in the position to change them. I commit myself to apply patience in this process of walking out of my mind and to gently stir myself to become increasingly self-directive.

When and as I doubt and fear that humanity can ever change, I stop myself and breathe, I do not engage in my give-up character and focus on my process. I commit myself to not allow myself to allowing giving up as an option in my life in any shape or form.


Thought dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought come up where I am sitting in third grade in my chair and I experience myself defeated and humiliated because of the interactions with my teacher and I don't understand what is happening to me at that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought come up where on the way to my first day of school and I am experiencing myself emotionally challenged because on the one hand my mother is angry at me and I don't know why, and on the other because of the prospect of seeing all these children I have never met and fearing their encounter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought come up where I see my first professor, who used to touch his tie - to straighten it out by touching the knot of the tie and moving it from side to side -  right before he would call one of the students to come forth to have his or her fingers spanked with a ruler.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought come up where I am in the school's bathrooms, in primary school, where I am coping with a situation where some boys have thrown stink bombs into my long hair and I am standing in the bathrooms not knowing what to do next. 

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