In my last post, I reported about my encounter with the teachers and students, cycle 3, in a primary school where I am conducting research, or more specifically, where I was collecting data.
I see two main strands of self-forgiveness where I need to apply myself. The first is clearly my reaction to the situation and the second is from within the position of the teachers, not understanding what they are doing to the children, how they are indoctrinating them because unless we teach ourselves to be self-honest we cannot see our automated acceptances and allowances in how behave in the world.
The first strand is based on the memory I have of being a small child in school and not understanding what was asked of me, where it was so cryptic what teachers asked me to do, and where I realised that it was not that difficult to do and that I could have done it once it became clear what the teachers meant.
At this stage, I have come to this scene as an adult and I see what is happening in classrooms. The children's physical body postures were an open book, how could the teachers not see how badly they were experiencing themselves because they apparently did not reach the unannounced topic objective? How come no one thought to look at these kids' work in their own right. The pictures that had taken were beautifully composed yet that did not factor into the evaluations by the teachers.
I have to say, I was really baffled when I saw this because there was little difference between my school days which are now several decades ago.
I will first work on the first strand that I laid out above.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that more children will end up struggling with their self-value and self-esteem because of the way teachers communicate in classroom activities, placing expectations on children without clearly spelling them out, and responding to children in unawareness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not overcome my lack of self-value because of the deep indoctrination I experienced as a child and which I see now happening to other young children, realising that this is the way of the world and it requires a total change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the inability of teachers to communicate and therefore fear my own blind-spots in not seeing how I repeat what I have been taught in my own teaching situations.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the dimensions of this brainwashing of our children and the consequences for humanity as a whole.