Last night I came home in the evening, I did not see any of my flatmates but I did notice that my heater remained cold even when I turned it on. I then went to bed and did not make a big deal out of it. This morning I woke up and my room was cold. No big deal. A while later, I went upstairs to take a shower and the water did not heat up. Only cold water.
Then I took a breath and decided that I did not buy into the 'program', the belief that the water is too cold for me to take a shower, because it was not that cold since the outside temperatures where about 15 ° C. The moment I made that decision and started to proceed with the cold water a memory flashed in front of my eyes where I am standing in an open shower at a beach in southern Europe. I am on holidays with my parents. I am small, about six years or younger, and i am expecting the water to come out warm - similar to the water of the ocean. The water rushes down on me and is very cold, I experience a shock.
It was a fascinating moment to stand there in the shower years later and experience this memory, which was so vivid, so colourful, that I could hear the screams of the other children in the background, I saw the colours of the sand, and smelled the sun on my skin. All in a flash of a moment. Beyond any doubt I saw how we capture every moment of our lives - perfectly.
I immediately spoke a couple of sentences of self-forgiveness. In this post, I want to clean up the rest of the dimensions related to the avoidance of cold water.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear cold water because I fear experiencing the shock that I experienced when I was at the beach taking a shower to rinse off the salty water from the ocean.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used this memory of experiencing a shock when cold water tumbles down on me to program myself to resist and avoid cold water near my body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used expectations to navigate the world whereby I set up expectations as flags to program myself within polarisation where positive polarisation equals acceptance and happiness and negative polarisation equals resistance and avoidance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought of cold water causing a negative physical experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that cold water on my body is negative/bad/wrong and that I imagine that cold water can hurt me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reiterate within myself the belief that I cannot expose my body to cold water.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too sensitive to endure cold water.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should be able to choose what temperature water is acceptable to me in using it on my entire body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with avoidance to the prospect that I have to put my body into cold water.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with resistance to wanting to take a shower with cold water.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically move back from cold water, where my body develops guise-bumps and my muscles contract because I am about to put cold water on it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that not being able to make use of cold water for washing myself has consequences that I am not able to take a shower in the wild in colder climates and that this has influenced my decisions in travel and other ways too numerous for me to even remember.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consequently enslave myself within the memory of being in shock of cold water and I am unable to summerise how this influencedthe decisions in my life.
When and as I am looking to take a shower, I stop being completely automated in turning on the hot water and push myself to lower the temperature to eradicate any resistance that is left for me to avoid taking a cold shower so that I can get to the stage where I can take a shower at any temperature that is healthy for my body. I commit myself to experiment with this point every morning when I take a shower.
When and as I am telling myself that I cannot remember something within my self-investigations, I recall the clear memory that I allowed myself to come up with when dealing with the point of cold water and do not stop asking myself to remember any specifically-related memory so that I can release the points that I am facing. I commit myself to stand one and equal to my memory and retrieve the memories one-by-one to release them.
When and as I am about to form an expectation of a immediate future event, i stop and and breathe, I stop the expectation and render myself here in physical reality and anchor myself in myrelationship with myself through breathing. I commit myself to stop all expectation and practice this point until it's done.