Sunday, October 20, 2013

Day 447 - I react, because I can't do what I want

This is a continuation from my last post, and from these previous posts

Day 441 - Trying to create stability in my new environment through characterisation

Day 442 - Focus on "newness" is separation - SCS

Day 443 - Old patterns in new environments

Day 446 - Still believing that backchat is a safe haven

Here I am tackling the reaction dimension.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the flatmate I have a friction point with by selecting to be more quiet towards her, in the sense that I don't talk about something that is beyond a certain lightness because I do not want to get too closely involved with her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with anger at times because I cannot utilise the kitchen since the kitchen is smallish and two people cooking independently is a bit tight and uncomfortable for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with impatience to my living situation where I want to do when I want to do and not have to make adjustments because of other people.


When and as to hold back of sharing myself with my flatmate, I stop and breathe, I realise that not speaking much does not make for good relations, I therefore look for something I can share between myself and her. I commit myself to make an effort to find a shared topic which I can use in my communications with one of my flatmates.

When and as I get angry, because my flatmate is occupying the kitchen, I stop and breathe, and find ways to better work around everyone's schedule. I commit myself to organise myself in a way so that my life runs smoothly and I am not influenced by everyone else' schedule. I commit myself to organise my life taking these circumstances into calculation.

When and as I react with impatience towards my living situation and where I experience an urgency to get my stuff done in my way, I stop and breathe, I realise that this is my ego, and that I can stop it from taking advantage of me. I commit myself to stop myself from creating stress about having to approach my current environment in a different manner. 


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