Friday, October 18, 2013

Day 446 - Still believing that backchat is a safe haven





I am continuing with a series of posts referring to the my new living environment and the people in it. 

Day 441 - Trying to create stability in my new environment through characterisation

Day 442 - Focus on "newness" is separation - SCS

Day 443 - Old patterns in new environments


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comment in my mind on how my flatmates do things around the house when I don't like it, because I have different standards and requirements about living together in a house and want my flatmates to have the same standards as mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about the flatmates to whom I have not much contact because they are either never home or I don't like the way they interact with me and thus I minimise my interaction with them, and within that I do not see the part I play.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to categorise the people I live with based on my backchat and my secret mind, even though I do not want to be categorised myself yet I do it to others because I believe that as long as the information is in my mind it is safe - not realising that my thoughts are destructive to myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be firm enough to stop my backchat about my flatmates because there is a part of me that enjoys backchatting since this diverts myself from looking to my own actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat to create separation instead of looking for ways to stand one and equal to each one of my flatmates.

Commitment Statements:

When and as I want/desire to control my world at home, I stop and breathe, I realise that the backchat I accept fuels my want/desire to protect my ego so that I do not have to change from separation to equality. I commit myself to stop my ego and stand equal to all that are part of my living environment.

When and as I have backchat about my flatmates I stop and breathe, I realise that I use this backchat to justify minimising interacting with the flatmates with whom I am uncomfortable because I do not want to challenge the way I have programmed myself and change. I commit myself to stop making a difference in my interactions and interact with all flatmates as equals.

When and as I allow myself to backchat because I believe that I am safe in my backchat I stop myself and breathe, I realise that I am sabotaging my self in creating one and equal relationshipswith my environment. I commit myself to stop believing that what happens in my mind is safe.

When and as I allow myself to keep a backdoor open which is evident when I continue to listen to my backchat, I stop and breathe, I realise that I am wavering on my decision to changebecause I allow myself to sabotage myself. I commit myself to stop self-sabotage by stopping my backchat.

When and as I allow myself to have backchat about my flatmates, I stop and breathe, I realise that I continue to create separation in this way and I simply stop myself. I commit myself to end allrelationships that are linked to separation and replace them by relationships of equality. 

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