Sunday, October 13, 2013

Day 443 - Old patterns in new environments

In this post I continue to write about my new living situation. In the previous two posts I dealt with the fears and committed myself to change what I realised about my behaviour. 

After having written the thought dimension I realised that each self-forgiveness statement is part of a main theme that has recurred throughout my writing on this blog. I am actually walking through these patterns now in real-time because I have chosen to live communally where old patterns are challenged. Great! :)

Thought dimension:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of me living with my flatmates and being 'happy' about the living situation and the fact that we all get along, which is the thought that triggers my efforts to be nice and to try to get along instead of facing myself within my reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of me where I sneak in and out my room in the house where I currently live - feeling good when I am in my room and feeling fearful outside of my room, and feeling uncomfortable when I have to make the transition from within my room to going outside of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of myself where I am interacting with my flatmates and I am suppressing my reactions so that I save face, because I want to appear as the one who rises above the situation ( of conflict).

Commitment statements:

When and as I have a picture come up where I see myself as happy and together with my flatmates like a happy family, I stop myself and breathe I realise that I have equated 'happiness' with comfort and ease, and thus i strive to create that comfort and ease in my living arrangement because I believe that my life will be better that way and I can avoid conflict.

When and as I have a picture come up where I distinguish how I feel dependent on whether I am in my room or in the rest of the house, I stop and breathe, I realise that this reflects my internal separation when I am alone and with others and is linked to my introverted personality. I commit myself to stand one and equal to the introverted personality pattern.

When and as I want to save face and want to appear as the cool one within my living situation, I stop and breathe, I realise that this is my desire to be superior, to protect myself from the others. I commit myself to stop looking for validation from others and thus stop all superior and inferior patterns.


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