Sunday, October 13, 2013

Day 442 - Focus on "newness" is separation - SCS

From my last post:

Overall I have noticed that I still analyse my colleagues and the people I live with so that I can come to grips with a definition of them which I believe gives me a sense of stability about my environment. Meaning, in my mind I have a created the person as a reference point onto which I attach specific attributes/labels in how I see them. In this way I create a history with them from which I interact instead of being here one and equal. The analytical process is of course not really analytical but it's from my 'historical' perspective that I compare the person to my values, morals, beliefs and ideas and from this perspective determine the characterisation. So, in a nutshell a projection. I am totally aware of this point - and yet, I still see that I engage with others on that level because I am new and from my mind's perspective I must "locate" myself in space within my new surrounding.

In this post, I present the commitment statements for the fears I wrote out previously. 

Commitment statements:

When and as I focus on the newness of my situation, I stop and breathe - I realise that the focus on 'newness' is the point of separation I allow from which other points cascade and in the end I allow myself to be fearful of my environment because I have approached it as different, as my 'new' environment, instead of realising that there is nothing new about it except my view of it.
commit myself to change my starting point by conducting myself in awareness  of creating equal relationships, and to stop all focus on the 'newness' of my new living situation.

When and as I fear the 'newness' of my environment, because i believe that the newness is more than me, I stop and breathe, I realise that I use the 'newness' to evoke the pattern of self-victimisation and self-diminishment, when in common sense I am very clear about my decision: that I am the one who is directing me. Therefore, I commit myself to respond to my new environment within equal relationships and to redefine the word "respond".

When and as I want to label one of my flatmates in how I approach her, I stop and breathe, I realise that I am projecting onto her what I don't like about myself and I stop. When I see her either in the house or at work, I stop and breathe before I engage with her so that I can interact from the point of breath  and stop myself from referencing my judgements or memories that I have stored within myself. I commit myself to release all judgements and memories and stop holding onto feelings/emotions in how I relate to my flatmate.

When and as I desire to feel good with my colleagues and flatmates, I stop myself and breathe, I realise that wanting to find something likeable about each colleague is my urge to relate to others as personality - therefore I commit myself to stop relating as personality and relate to others as versions of me, from the point of life, and thus I give myself permission to direct myself within our interaction from the point of equality and create what is best for all.


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