In this post I continue from the previous posts:
Day 436 - Backchat causing a chain reaction of events
Day 437 - Standing up from the memory of disapproval
Day 438 - Seeking to trust because of fear of survival
The Backchat Dimension:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a voice in my head that responds to dealings with my boss, when I don't get what I want or need from him, I allow myself to justify complaining about him in my backchat.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat to justify my expectations in how my boss should respond to me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about any inconsistency in my boss' behaviour where I react with spite because I perceive that his behaviour has become less caring - where I am no longer being treated in the same manner as in my first week and therefore compare in my backchat the different modes of how has/is treating me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about my boss copying my words and ways of doing things, and in my backchat I believe that he is stealing my ideas from me and thus I fear that this will be detrimental for me in the long run.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about me not getting to work on time and getting stuck in traffic and thus fearing in my backchat that my boss stores these incidences as 'points against me'.
When and as I allow the voice in my head to comment on my unfulfilled expectations within my relationship with my boss, I stop and breathe, I realise that this is just a program and I stop participating in it. I commit myself to stop participating in backchat where I am justifying expectations that are not being fulfilled by my boss.
When and as I allow my backchat to compare and comment on my boss' behaviour with me I remind myself that I am referring to memory and to moments that do not exist anymore and I let go of them.
I commit myself to stop drawing on memories within my relationship with my boss and deal with all that is here in the moment.
When and as I allow backchat about my boss coping my style, my words and my advice, I stop and breathe, I realise that this is my ego that wants to be special thus i stop myself from backchatting and realise that I still have work to do - therefore I commit myself to cease my ego's existence.
When and as I am stuck in traffic and I have backchat about not getting to work on time and that I will score negative points with my boss, I stop and breathe, I realise that I can improve on finding a better, more reliable way to get to work, and that no form of backchat is justifiable in this situation.