Thursday, September 12, 2013

Day 422 - The environmental change challenge pt7

Looking at the situation described over the last six posts, it's clear that I was able to move myself out of unfavourable circumstances by slowing down, not allowing my thoughts to dictate my behaviour, and lastly by making a decision. Yet, I ask myself - could I have directed myself not early on and where were the instances for me to do so?

The answer is yes, I could have done so. I saw that I was fearful not having a place to move to once R told me that the room was not available on the first of the month because his flatmate's apartment that is being remodelled was not moving forward as planned. This is when I decided to opt for the dormitory even though I saw the condition of the place. Here, a decision would have been required, for me to slow down and breathe and look further instead of fearing loss and taking the next room available just to be covered and to 'extinguish' my fear.

The second instance, as I see it now, is when R demanded for me to speak grateful words. At the time I was struggling to understand whether or not he was bullying me because I remember I said to both of them I appreciate you guys being here, but that was not enough for them in showing my appreciation. I am still not sure how to look at the situation - bully or not?

Regardless, the common sense would have been to say, OK, there seems to be differences in communication and in the long run this could go either way, either we reconcile this point or not. I would like to reconcile this point but I realise that it not only depends on me and that I can make adjustments (as I did when I had an insight for what specifically I could be more thankful) but I will further investigate for another place - and make the decision to keep looking for other living options, which would have brought me to the place where I am now only much earlier with much less energy.

My commitments:

If and when I enter into a situation where I clearly see that I need to make a decision, I slow myself down and in self-honesty look at where I am at with my feelings. I then write self-forgiveness on the feelings and only then make a decision as to how I can proceed in the most effective manner.
I commit myself to follow these steps in making a decision.

If and when I am in a situation where I don't see the elements of the situation clearly, whether they are acceptable or not, I work with this situation by walking the timeline - and projecting in writing what could happen down the line and based on walking the different scenarios, I make a decision in common sense.
I commit myself to not keep myself from making decisions because I do not entirely understand the situation but I use what I have seen of the situation and project in writing a timeline, and from seeing the timeline, i engage in making a decision in common sense.


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