Sunday, September 29, 2013

Day 432 - The morning routine pt4

Continuing from the previous post....Releasing the fear dimension has been very supportive for my morning routine and so far I have not succumbed to any resistance for over a week now. Tomorrow is Monday and so my second week begins where I equalise the relationship between myself in my room and myself outside of my room in the rest of the house.

Thought dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture of me, inside of me where I am involved in my morning routine and where I am outside of my room and suddenly my morning routine is stopped because one of my flatmates involves me in a conversation and I cannot get away to continue on the various tasks that I do before going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be particularly grateful to one of my flatmates because it was through her that I heard of the available room and so I experience a slight feeling of guilt when I don't engage in conversations in the mornings because I believe that the point of conversing with her is obligatory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture inside of me where I am about to enter the kitchen and I hear that all flatmates are in the kitchen and I then remember that I have experienced the kitchen as tight and difficult to move around and I just want to interrupt my morning routine and wait for everyone else to finish so that I can be in the kitchen alone or with only one other person - and this, for the sake of wanting to be comfortable in my mind, would let my morning routine slip and stall.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a picture inside of me where I am up early in the morning and I am moving about the house and making lots of noise and "hating" every moment of it.

commit myself to:

When and as I have a thought come up where one particular flatmate entangles me in a conversation , I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to believe this thought and influence my actions instead I recognise the thought for what it is, namely a memory-based experience that I am regurgitating, and from my mind's perspective, applying it to "suitable" situation.

When and as I am experiencing a slight feeling of guilt when I am in the same room with my flatmate who got me the room, I stop and breathe, I realise that this moral stance stems from my parents' education, and that I do not have to allow myself to be ruled by this program of "obligation". However, I furthermore realise that I must consider a point in our relationship where I can reciprocate her efforts because it is also my responsibility to keep the situation in the house amicable and also in consideration that we see each other in the same work place.

When and as I am in the kitchen and all my flatmates are in the kitchen and I want to experience a comfortable situation, I stop and breathe, I do not allow myself to walk out of the room but continue my routine because I realise self-diminishment is not an option because it is a memory construct, and practically speaking my schedule would be impacted if I were to stop for the sake of feeling comfortable in a tight space with other people moving about.

When and as I have a picture come up where I am making a lot of noise and I am disliking it, I stop and breathe, I realise that this is based on a memory which I have used to program myself to be "invisible" and I commit myself to allow myself to retrieve this memory in it's entirety so that I can release it through self-forgiveness.


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