I am starting a new series with a point that opened up this morning. I now share a house with other people and while it is a temporary solution, until my partner can join me, I have seen a point about my morning routines which is affecting my life adversely and causing problems in my extremely busy schedule.
The house where I live is really nice but also quiet and my flatmates don’t really move outside of their rooms much. We all do get a long well, and the atmosphere is congenial. Although I work with two of the flatmates, I hardly ever see them. I am very much alright with this because this was one of my deeper considerations before moving in here.
I have noticed in the mornings I don’t pull through my morning routine because I don’t want to go outside of my room. There is a lot of echo in the hallway of the house - it was designed as someone’s private residency. I realise that I am weary of the echo and that I default to the tendency to hide because I don’t want to be the one going out and making noise and most of all, running into others in the morning.
Solution - Self-Forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting out of my room in the morning because I don’t want to run into my flatmates and I don’ t want to make noise.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear running into my flat mates in the morning because I fear having to get involved into small talk where I can’t easily remove myself because - especially because one of my flatmates likes to talk a lot.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear running into one of my flatmates because I operate from my memory of her as someone who talks a lot and tries to hold onto theconversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to interact first thing in the morning because I still believe that there is a difference when I am alone and when I am with others, whereby when I am alone I see myself as relaxed and when I am with others I see myself as “on” where I have to interact to connect with others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being interrupted in my routine and so I’d rather not interact with others, which affects the timing as to when I am going into the common rooms, e. g. the kitchen because I want to avoid having to do my work e.g. preparing breakfast and my lunch in a crowded space first thing in the morning.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear moving outside of my room in the mornings because I imagine that I am more vulnerable in the mornings and that I must protect myself from the others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking at my childhood memories in relation to the mornings in my parents house and that I'd rather tell myself "I can't remember".