Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Day 426 - The surprise design pt4




Here I continue with the backchat dimension

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to believe my thoughts that are telling me that I am not presenting myself in the best light, and that I therefore need tojudge myself for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not slow myself down in the moment of running into the men standing in the kitchen so that I can hear the mind chatter and make the decision not to listen to it instead of believing it, and thus giving into the feeling of embarrassment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create backchat in my head that takes the position of the men in the kitchen from which I speak this backchat, and thus pretend to know what these men are thinking about my "unprepared" behaviour - instead of realising that I am following an illusion I have constructed from my own memory database.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only after the situation is over realise the extend to which I have given into my backchat instead of stopping it and having made the "surprise' element the excuse for doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself perceive the backchat by which I judge myself as one element with my physical reaction, instead of slowing myself down and seeing that it is only through the speed of the mind that it seems as if they are one, and thus that I need to take responsibility for slowing myself down to stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the backchat triggered by the surprise design that I allow myself to exist as are the collection of memories of my parents telling me how, why, what other people perceive of me and that I have not originated these statements and have adapted and adopted them for my life and thus I am the only one who can stop it.

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