Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Day 425 - The surprise design pt 3




Here I continue from my last post with the thought dimension...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this one thought come up which is a picture of my mother and myself and she is pulling on me to fix my clothes and the way I look, rebuking me for not being presentable as her daughter, and me feeling very small and bad about myself because I experience myself as having disappointed my mother.

commitment on the thought dimension:

When and if I am in the situation where I for a moment believe that I am unprepared, I breath and realise that this is my interpretation of the situation which is my mind filtering the visuals that I perceive within my mind's eyes and that I can equally stop and perceive what is simply here in physical reality, where I stop all interpretation, take a breather and move on responding to what is here while stopping fears that want to come up and enter into physical interactions with the world.
commit to staying here in physical reality.

When and if I am in a situation where I for a moment feel surprised, I immediately bring myself into my chest area and breathe, and refocus myself on myself, not allowing myself to go anywhere else in my mind and simply focus on breathing.
commit to breathing in physical reality as my main focus.


Imagination:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that because of how I behaved when I turned the corner and was surprised to see everyone in the kitchen, I have now been evaluated and judged by these men and that there is no way of going back and leaving a better impression of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself based on my memory my past experiences of what I look like to the other people, the men standing in the kitchen, not realising that this has nothing to do with them and is only based on my experiences and is a figment of my mind, yet I use them - or the picture of them - in the moment of surprise to generate the feelings I feel about myself and thus allow myself to sever, even momentarily, my relationship with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my imagination onto the scene until I believe it for real - and therefore allowing my mind to convince me of my own illusion that I have to feel embarrassed about myself because for a moment I believe that I was not in control because of the surprise element.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I imagined how those men were perceiving me, in the moment of surprise, and then acted or behaved from the starting point of having to improve my image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my imagination to validate, excuse and justify why I need to feel embarrassed because I have been unprepared to enter into this situation.

Commitments on the imagination dimension:

When and if I want to go into my imagination to validate an illusion that I project onto others, I stop myself and breathe, I do not allow myself to go there and stop through bringing myself here, breathing and attending the phsyical reality that is around me. I commit myself to stop using others as a canvas to project my illusions onto and to react to those illusions generating energetic charges through feelings.

When and if I believe that my image is at stake, i remind myself that this evaluation is based on my interpretation and so I stop and breathe and come back to having my feet on the ground. I commit myself to stop myself from going into my imagination when I have given in to the automated embarrassment response to a situation that I am not familiar with or that I did not expect.

When and if I believe that I can improve on my image in other's people's eyes I see, realise and understand that this point is self-referential and that my focus is on the relationship I have with myself.
I commit myself to solidifying the relationship I have with myself so that I no longer allow myself to separate myself from myself. 

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