I continue from my last post.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design the surprise personality which is build on the fear that I must control my environment and cannot allow myself to just be here in the moment as the breathing body because for fear to exist the need to control must exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the surprise personality as me, as the who I am, not realising that this is not who I am but my mind, it's a program that is running and that animates me when my mind - thus I - feel threatened.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have designed myself as the surprise personality which has two components: the negative surprise, which I interpret as being caught off guard, and the positive surprise which I have interpreted as others caring for me or as other thinking about me, and/or others liking me because when an event occurs that I consider as positive then I interpret it as the "world" liking me, not realising that I have deplaced my relationship with myself by externalising it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have classified my relationships in my secret mind where I allow only certain information to be channelled to certain groups of people and if and when there is a trespassing of information going into the wrong group I react in fear, as with the surprise situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to a surprise design because I fear being here in breath and stopping my programs and self-definitions.
Commitments of the fear dimensions:
If and when I am in a surprise situation - I stop myself from reacting by immediately calling myself here into physical reality through my breath. I stop all thought about the people who are part of the situation and I stand firm. I commit myself to when I am in an unexpected situation immediately become aware and bring myself here.
If and when I have thoughts about fear of losing my job I write myself out as soon as I can because I do not allow myself to move myself from fear. I commit myself to write myself out on the point of "fear of losing my job" and stop all fear-motivated behaviour.
If and when I want to stay true to my pre-programmed design, I push myself to breath in awareness and slow myself down so that I can see what I need to see to respond to the situation. I stop all fear about what others may think and realise that this is purely speculation and it goes on only in my head where I do not have any real perspective of others' perception of me. I commit myself to stop creating illusions in my head about what others think of me if I do not behave according to my pre-programmed design.
If and when I fear losing myself self-definitions I stop and breathe. I commit myself to walk each self-definiton in my process until I am free of them.
If and when I am using control to move myself in my environment, I make myself aware and I stop, I return to breath and push myself to stay here in breath and direct myself from within my breath. I commit myself to apply myself until I am aware 24/7.
If and when I believe that I know what other people think of me, I recall that this is an illusion and so I stop immediately believing my own illusion and solidify my relationship with my self by centering myself in my chest area. I commit myself to stop believing my illusions - thus believing my thoughts.
If and when I realise that I believe that a situation is more or less than me, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here - I commit myself to depolarise all situations I am in or enter, and become equal to all situations and their potentials, at all times.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have One thought where others respond to me with gestures of rejection like walking away and shaking their heads, which is a repetition of the memory of my father showing his disapproval of my choices, which I have used to construct my relationships with others who are in authority positions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that if I am in a relationship with myself I do not look to the external world for approval, and thus the moment where I allow this One thought to direct me I have stepped out of my relationship with self and have placed myself into an inferior position, where I have made the pictures I perceive of the world more important than me.