Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Day 417 - The environmental change challenge pt2




Here I continue from my previous post:

(Reactions)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted to the girl friend because she told me that she has a strong personality and that she requires people around her to be nice and kind, whereby I reacted to her belief in anger because I took her statement personally where I interpreted what she said as instruction or prerequisite for me to move into the shared house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as impatient about the situation where I just want things to be already done, and I am reunited and sharing a place with my partner again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with resistance to the multiple demands emerging from the shared house, the new job and the new country because I did not realise that I had an expectation that some of these points should be easy and flowing when in reality they are not - and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my life into the future using my mind instead of living here in every moment in breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted to the boy friend telling me that I was not grateful enough and too cold - because I did not know what to do or to say to him - as a response - even though I was able to find have an insight at a later stage which I was able to communicate to him and which solved the situation - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as angry against myself because I was not able to get the insight faster - in real time, as I was talking to him.

(Imaginations)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that these multiple situation: the shared house, the new job and the new country - will be stressful and because I perceive each topic as having difficult elements that I must juggle, all at the same time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that I need to dedicate myself to my work environment and within that I expect the remaining topics (shared house and new country) to be as easy as possible so that I can concentrate myself on the what I perceive to be the most important aspect of this change.

(Backchat)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat about the girl friend even though I see her anxieties and her self-limitations and can look at them without reactions, I still allow the backchat because I desire to have a quiet home life and I allow my own fear that I won’t have a quiet home life to interfere. 

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