This is the first post where I am going to write out the main points that I am encountering in the main transition phase where I am in a new country, with a new job, and several transitory living situations until I am moving into a permanent place in a few months when my partner has followed me.
I am about to embark onto a 2nd short term shared household situation until my partner joins me in my new environment. The current one I will not be discussing. The up-coming shared household situation will last a few months whereas the current one will end in about 3 weeks.
The 2nd place I found presents a good opportunity for me (as well as my partner who comes to visit) because it is good value for money in the most expensive country in Europe. However, the main person who I communicated with to get the room, has told me that his girl friend was also moving in, which means that not three independent people are living together but he, his girl friend and myself. Tonight I am supposed to meet again and sign the contract.
There has been some friction with the couple as they helped us ( my partner and myself) in making the transition ( in terms of storing boxes in the house) to the new country. After all of this was done, the couple felt that we weren’t grateful enough to them - for example we did not apologise for arriving late, because they had to change their schedule to accommodate our arrival. I then met with both to take a moment to get to know each other.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the girl friend is a troublemaker who will demand to get her way and who will be difficult to live with even if it’s just for a short while.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am required to cater to the roommate situation where I must play the nice character at home and at work - and so I imagine I have no place where I can just be here without having to get into character to manage the situation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the girl friend is a drama queen because I have already seen how she responds to her boy friend and within that I fear having to have an additional point to cope with in addition to being at a new work place and in a new country.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not take this room I will not find another deal of this quality and will end up having to continue to live in a bare minimum state (without kitchen and proper bathroom) and that this will affect my work performance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not take this room I will have to pay an exuberant amount of money for another low quality room and will have to struggle to make ends meet.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I must spend time with roommates to avoid further perception of coldness - and thus that this will not allow me to dedicate my "home" time to my process.