Saturday, August 24, 2013

Day 408 - My belief about Death pt1




Recently, in a conversation where I mentioned Bernard's death, I suddenly realised that I have a belief that I am not going to die young because many women in my family have been very old, some over 100 years. I recall having done some self-forgiveness on the fear of death point but I have conveniently overlooked this belief because I believe it with such certainty that I sabotaged myself to cover up my fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have belief exist within me where I firmly believe that I will reach old age because most women in my family are getting very old.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my fear of death from myself by holding on to the belief that I'll get old that I don't have to deal with the fear of death now at this time in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that my genes are a security in relation to the time of my death because I have physical evidence based on the majority of women on my mother's side who have lived to be very old.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise my father's mother died young, which clearly shows how I have polarised my belief about death by 'choosing' the more convenient belief, so the positive belief that I will get old from my mother's side of the family, instead of hanging onto the negative belief, that I will die young based on my father's side of the family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying and to cover up my fear with a belief so that I don't have to face the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if and when I should die young, I will not be able to finish my process to walk out of my mind and into my flesh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistance writing about the fear of death and my denial of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that without denial my death will approach faster, which is why I hold onto the belief that I shall die of old age.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking at death but realise that I must deal with my fear because of Bernard having shown me that death comes unexpected even for someone who no longer used their mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up my life for death because I fear the unknown that I face once I am dead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk every day of my process as if it was my last day, and to postpone points because I believe that I have another day to work on them.

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