Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Day 404 - Mentalising my starting point at work pt6 - commitment to change

Sculpture by Ron Mueck

Here I continue with self-commitment statements that I started to write out in the previous post.

If and when start to worry about making a good impression in the way I present myself on my first day, or in the first months, until I have met everyone I stop and breathe, I realise that in the moment I allow worry, or a consideration to change something about myself to fit in, I allow my mind to determine who I am, instead of standing one and equal in the relationship with my self.

I commit myself to stop believing any thought that comes up in relation of making a good impression, and I conduct my interactions from within the relationship that I have with my Self where I SEE what needs to be done.

If and when I worry about being able to continue my routines when I have moved into my new environment which is still unknown at this point, I stop and breathe, I realise that I can be practical about it and make adjustments to my routines as needed, to fit in with the material and temporal aspects of the new physical reality that will surround me, I do not need to fear loss in any way which is why I worry, I breathe and make adjustments as needed - and I stop all urges to control or to justify my thoughts or beliefs that I will be disadvantaged in any way.

I commit myself to be practical at all times and realise that I am going through an adjustment period which does not mean I have to become unstable, it simply means I have to respond to a physically changing environment.

If and when I fear that my supervisor will be emotional and I have to work with his shifting moods, I stop and breathe, I realise that I set myself up to respond from a mental point of view rather than from the reality as it actually occurs, so I stop this and relocate to the physical reality and stop making up my mind about someone and what to expect based on assumptions.

I commit myself to stop myself from going into my mind and analysing who my supervisor is a person so that I can be prepared to relate to him by protecting myself - instead I breathe and reconnect with myself so that I can take responsibility for the moment - and can respond to the situation at hand with what is needed by being whole and comfortable within myself.

I commit myself to shift my awareness when interacting with my supervisor to me and - at all times- approach situations from within myself, I actively stop myself from judging and analysing the words that he utters and focus entirely and completely on my Self as the living principle of what is best for all, and give as I would like to receive.

If and when I have fear coming up about my changing environment which I use as a point to stall my organisation of the upcoming move, I stop and breathe - in this moment, I commit myself to stop going into my mind and use the physical change of environment as justification that I cannot be organised, I stop myself from allowing my "want" to define me and determine who I am and I use my Self -Will to organise this move in the most efficient and practical manner.

If and when I want to be positive about this job representing a new beginning, I stop and breathe, I realise that accepting something as positive is part of the polarisation that I allow myself to exist as, and that perpetuates expectation, winning and losingfeeling good, feeling bad - and most of all clouds the reality that surrounds me and how I fuck myself up in my relationships because of what I will allow and accept to justify my positive outlook of this "new beginning".

I commit myself to stop judging this new work situation as "anything", I focus on my relationship with myself and who I am in what i do - so that I train myself to consistently stay here in my tasks and do what needs to be done as I SEE it in awareness

If and when I worry about my partner's life when I am no longer physically with him on a day-by-day basis I stop and breathe, I realise that this is what I have been taught a woman should do, and so I allow my memory to interfere with my life. I realise that I trust myself to be able to respond to my partner when he addresses me with any concern, and I trust in my agreement that he will communicate what is necessary so that I can be of assistance to him as required in physical reality. 


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