Sunday, August 18, 2013

Day 401 - Mentalising my starting point at work pt3



Still more to go ... here I continue working on this point which I started on day 399

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a good working relationship with my supervisor, and that this motivates me to try harder in my communication, which means that I compute faster in my mind the optimal answers I can give to him, and to filter that which I cannot say to him based on my beliefs, and based on the picture I have of myself instead of speaking from the practical real-time reality and make sure that which I say is centred on the work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have to work a lot to make my way in my new environment and that this will interfere with my time I have for the group, whereby I realise that this fear is based on me not being efficient in how I apply myself and therefore I do not trust myself to keep the commitments I have made to myself and to others.

I forgive myself that I have a belief come up when I consider that there will be a lot of work, where I remember I was told by my father that to do something right cannot be done by "dancing at two weddings"- in other words, I must chose where I participate because otherwise I spread myself to thinly - whereby I realise that this is my accepted limitation because rather than looking at the reality when I am in it, with this belief I plan to be limited without even having a relevant basis what my work schedule will be like when I start working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must adjust myself to my new working environment and relationships instead of realising that I can approach the situation as a self in relationship with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a resistance to writing self-forgiveness on this point because I believe that I am fine and that I desire to rely on my optimism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I don't know what I need to do first when I arrive there at the university, and that I feel overwhelmed and so I fear that from this state I will make 'bad' decisions

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