Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Day 399 - Mentalising my starting point at work pt1



My new position will start in a few days. I heard that there might be someone else coming to join our team, and this person will be in the same position, with the same title, as me. When I heard this and because it was announced by my boss, I reacted in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear about the composition of the lab even before I have started my job, whereby I see, realise and understand that this is merely the illusion I allow myself to exist as, and where I allow myself to accept my default to create separation from others because I want to protect my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conceptualise, intellectualise and mentalise my future work place where I enter into competitive thinking and where others become a threat to me based on the mental idea of what their person represents to me in my work environment, which has no physical equivalent because roles we play in our job are part of this economic system so that we can get paid accordingly - and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this reaction of fear as me instead of breathing through the moment, and realising that what I am reacting to is what I have been taught and that I decide to not let this "thinking" define me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself and my abilities and that when someone else enters into the my realm of work, within the same hierarchy as me, I automatically accept that there is a chance that this person knows more than me, is better than me, in the production of work results.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear survival which I showed to myself in the moment where I reacted in fear about the news that someone else, who will be on the same level as me within the work situation, potentially joins our team.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up with the starting point of fear within my new work situation instead of seeing, realising and understanding that I can will myself to a starting point in breath, in what is best for all, if I stop judging the people in my environment from the memory of my previous environments and interact with others face-value and from what is here in physical reality - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my imagination to create reasons why I need to fear my work place and the people in it because I have a preconceived idea of what it means to work with others in a public work setting. 

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