Sunday, August 11, 2013

Day 395 - A room with a view pt1




I have been looking to rent a room in another country before I take the step of getting a nice apartment and settling down with my personal effects. A few days ago, it looked like I was not going to find anything anytime soon and the date where I am suppose to start working is approaching fast. Then again, I looked at what I had already researched, the people I had spoken with, and decided to 'just accept' that which has come up so far, even if it did not sound ideal. It's only going to be for a few month anyway, and I have not even seen these rooms yet. Once I became more flexible in my approach, I suddenly had three options. Today I am going to drive there and check them out. While I was able to avert and limit the consequences in this instance, initially I still had to make things more complex than they have to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that I want to satisfy the picture I have in my mind because I fear that if I don't satisfy the picture I will have to suffer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the suffering i fear is what I have stored in my memory, and that unless I stop myself from drawing on my memory I cannot make decisions that are based on common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been unclear about the priority of my criteria because I evaluated the potential rooms based on my memory and not on a clear decision of what is most important to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to draw on all the points of my experiences about living in apartments, rooms, houses and want only the best for myself based on this experiences not realising that this is an ideal and that I try to match reality to this ideal.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that experience still requires common sense and a systematic approach, otherwise I allow imagination to run my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that many times when I suffered bad living spaces in the past it's because I was an emotional situation and that is what drove my choices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have stopped myself earlier from making the situation complicated by not being clear on the priorities of my search criteria and by being purely practical without attachment to memories from previous, similar situations.



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