Friday, August 9, 2013

Day 394 ...but I must move






In this post I will further investigate the feeling of being unsettled that I have looked at in my previous post.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create resistance towards this point of feeling unsettled and experiencing the urge to want to physical move to “solve” a situation in which I experience myself as anxious or frustrated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have programmed myself to physically move in an automated manner following the instructions of my mind which are based on either ‘escaping’ the situation or being excessively compliant with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought that I have ‘no option’ in the situation which triggers the physical over reaction and automated physical movements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought of ‘no option’ to which I react immediately with high energy and where I give myself permission to draw a blank so that I cannot even consider other solutions to the situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to even now while I am writing this self-forgiveness move my legs with the urge of wanting to get up and stop writing and that I allow myself to battle with myself, instead of making a decision that my mind has no dominion over me and that I sit here and write until I am done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a memory of my mother in total panic where I remember a lot of running around and movement, and I was very small, and that this high energy that I experienced with my mother, I experience with her many times later on, where I got used to being ‘alarmed’ by my mother and having to move according to her instruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the memory of my mother when she was charged with emotions and I was feeling uncomfortable and uneasy within myself because I experienced her emotional state as aggressive. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have taken full responsibility for what i experienced during my childhood but have more often than not excused myself by blaming my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the compulsive moving I experience is the polar opposite to having to be still and immovable in the house of my parents, throughout my life as a child and teenager.

1 comments:

  1. Exercise, massage therapy, meditation and proper treatment are very good for these type of problems. It depends on you what you prefer.

    Regards,
    Kopi Luwak

    ReplyDelete

 
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