In the past couple of days I saw that insights about myself become subject of my mind because I want to grasp the realisation mentally. I want to hold onto that which I have realised in my mind by explaining the point back to myself and therefore create a form of knowledge. I want to “know” and “ understand”, not accepting within myself that the realisation in itself is enough.
The point is that I have been taught to handle information in this manner and this is also what I do to myself. Yet, a mind’s view of the realised point negates the realisation, because the point then becomes "material" of the mind which is always connected to consequences.
Actually, I am quite aware of this mechanism in how I use realisations to 'negate' walking out of my mind because I can follow the physical steps involved: The realisation accumulates until a threshold is reached and this moment - which is an unspeakable moment - is when I ‘see’ the realisation. This is the main point, “I see” not know, not understand. “Seeing” is enough, it’s that kind of simplicity. All else that follows from there involves the mind, it turns the realisation into a complex thing through mental reasoning.
How do I see realisations as a physical thing? After the moment I have realised a point about myself, I cannot go back to the "unseen" part of myself, I cannot forget what I have realised unless I have created a belief in my mind - by having mentalised a point and believing it to be a realisation. Realisations about oneself are about moving oneself towards oneself.
In the next post I will be writing self-forgiveness on this point.