Thursday, April 18, 2013

Day 335 Globetrotter & parental relations pt12






With this post I am continuing the series of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Commitment statements that I started on day 324, where I layout the background to the problem that is summarised below.


Summary of the Problem:

I, as my program, use my father as a counter balance where I don't have to worry about the consequences of my unstable life style, because I have a way out through his assistance. I fear losing my father because of the balance point he creates within my life which means once that is gone, I have to take responsibility and change myself to stop the unstable-stable dynamic.



The physical dimension - The reward for self

If and when I allow myself to have thoughts about my father not being here anymore, I stop and breathe,
I realise that I am reacting to a memory of myself of how I see myself in relation with my father and through these memories I make his death more special than anyone else' death because I also know that his death has consequences on my life whereas I believe other deaths do not matter to me.
I commit myself to stop living in the memory of my father and live here in physical reality.

If and when I experience myself with contractions in my lower abdominal region and my knees are weak, I stop and breathe, I realise that I do not want to accept changes to my life as I will have to adapt to changing circumstances in my family and within that I realise I refuse to give up my memories and the picture I have of myself. I commit myself to stop identifying myself with memories and live in physical reality.

If and when I experience myself in physical self-neglect I stop and breathe, I realise that this is an outflow of not wanting to accept the circumstances - like a stubborn child that pouts because it does not get what it wants. I commit myself to stop myself from fighting against the circumstances and accept what is here equal and one. 

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