Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Day 315 - My desire for simplicity is really a corporate policy - The Thought pt2

For more in-depth context of this series of blog posts, please read day 311

The problem in summary: 

I define a singular focus in my life which I use to justify my tendency to exclude myself from activities that are not linked to potentially making money  - therefore simplifying my life by constraining it to a few time consuming activities that become the pretext for me to avoid dealing with the complexity of life. At the same time believing that this one focus is an enabler for me to excel in one area and secure my place in society.

The thought dimension - the reward: 

If and when the buzzing picture enters my mind, I stop myself and breathe,

I realise that I have set up cues for myself, where I have programmed myself to respond with resistance and denial to avoid engaging with what is here and justify my choices which lead me to separate myself through withdrawal, and only selectively participate in the world around me.

I commit myself to stop believing that I have a choice in how far I engage in my environment, only to focus on satisfying my self-interest, instead I take responsibility about that which is in my environment and treat all activities connected with this responsibility within equality and oneness.

If and when I perceive lots of ‘demands’ placed onto me by my environment, and I respond by interpreting the situation as threat, I stop and breathe,
I realise that all I need to do is address each point one by one.

I commit myself to define my responsibility and execute responsible actions in this context by dealing with each point one by one.

If and when I have a picture of my mother come up in a situation, where she demanded of me to do a number of things all at the same time, I stop and breathe,

I realise that this picture is from a memory to which I respond instead of me responding to what is here, and by responding to the picture I allow myself to engage in emotions, - as the picture is attached to an emotional state of helplessness and frustration - therefore i stop myself from believing the picture and re-focus myself in actual reality and deal with what is here.

I commit myself to stop believing in the picture from my childhood involving the demands placed upon me by my mother.

If and when I realise that I have a picture come up from when I was in school and I felt unsupported and left alone with managing my time in conjunction with my homework, I stop and breathe,

I realise that I have created a protective mechanism where I bring up this picture to avoid dealing with my environment and stop taking responsibility for what is here, not even knowing what is here but use the picture as preventive mechanism, and thus I can now stop believing the picture and stand without the protective mechanism, using my breath instead, where I allow myself to engage with my environment by looking at what needs to be done, teaching myself to gently organise my responsibility through prioritising and managing myself within these priorities.

I commit myself to manage myself and my time without emotional charge.


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