Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Day 312 - My desire for simplicity is really a corporate policy - The Fear pt1





For more in-depth context of this series of blog posts (to come), please read the previous post. 

The problem in summary: 


I define a singular focus in my life which I use to justify my tendency to exclude myself from activities that are not linked to making money - therefore simplifying my life by constraining it to a few time consuming activities that become the pretext for me to avoid dealing with the complexity of life. At the same time believing that this one focus is an enabler for me to excel in one area and secure my place in society. 


The fear dimension: The solution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate responsibility with complexity and thus have created fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself and therefore seek to escape myself through focusing my time and effort on an activity that allow me to avoid facing myself - yet with the hope that this activity has an intrinsic value which guarantees my survival in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself because I equate "facing myself" with a negative experience and consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that the longer I give into the fear of facing myself the more consequential the backlog of accumulated energies I create for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having this one focus in my life to hold onto, because it gives me a sense of security through channelling myself into an activity with single-mindedness - where I have established a belief that if I am engaged in a activity that is seen as important by the system my survival in the world is ensured.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear complexity in my life because I fear having to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing control of my programming through the encounter of complexity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my programming because it is through this programming I live up to the picture I have of myself and the memories by which I identify myself. 

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